gold riot…

I am gold dust anymore

dancing within the wind

wild and uncaring

catch my eyes shining

where only your storm remains

my lips no longer speak

of temptutous devils

their beautiful words

long murdered inside me

i know now

i know dark and light

smoked holes and divine temples

in far away places

my fingers tracing a riot and eternity

and you founded in every space

every line and curve

no other will do

I know now

I know

I know

believe

here I am

and you

 still existing

*For you darling

 

 

 

 

wait without waiting…

When I greet the day

when I set the space to be free of worry

conger my greatest energy

to stay the drought

I am mindful

and I, with bated breath,

wander the space with depth and curiosity

thinking of my direction

and honestly

every path of that intentioned space

in that quiet exploration

leads right back to you…

Now that leaves me a little worried

a heart must certainly have a few lives (right)

perhaps I worry I am close to my quota

perhaps I worry you will not see her for what she is

that somehow in your pursuit of dreams

you’ll fly right past me 

and that thought does not rest easy with my soul

so when I greet the day

when I set my place to be worry free

conger my greatest energy

to stay this drought

that lethal worry washes over me

drives me into the waves of emotional seas

come back up for air (your air is here)

and with beautiful hesitation

I wander this space with depth and curiosity

thinking of my direction

which leads me right back to you…

I can wait without waiting

 

 

 

delicious contentment

Those moments when you find yourself giggling
caught in delicious moments of contentment
while the sun is rising through the bare wintered trees
you sense their eagerness to bloom
and realize you are not so different
and the last dregs of coffee in the  bottom of your cup
remind you that just moment before the sweet creamy warmth
was yours to enjoy
and as the music fills your ears
you find that you would suffer with out its beauty
and send out silent thank you’s to the artists
for not giving up on their dreams
and you find yourself sitting at your writing desk
staring outside of the window
watching the glorious sunrise
full of beautiful thoughts…
and it’s these moments you find yourself giggling
caught in delicious moments of contentment

restless blush…

this reslessness invades every pore

i am wired and pulsing

idling

when want exceeds want

you are far away and hardly far

snaking my innermost being

so alive

a pinpoint of heat to my sex

and fever to my blood

you stealing my breath and thoughts

repeated 3 second flashes

in a mind control experiment

you undress me in silence

this gorgeous force

ancient light in my soul

rushing red inside my chest

stalking my breast

raising suspicion

in my escaping moan

i am covered in shades of you

tastes as silk

and nude pale blush

 

 

my writing space tonight….

I have slowly been getting my writing space in order. I am happy so far although there are a few things I want to change and few more things I need to complete. I need to reupholster my writing chair, so currently I’m searching for the right fabric. I will be doing it myself because lets face it getting an old chair reupholstered, you need to take out a small personal loan 🙄. 

My space will always be evolving but for now…this week it looks as this. 

taking a leap…

I have been in a transitional period for quite sometime. I am uncertain when it first began-perhaps I have always been in this state-I suppose something within me has been blocking forward movement for a very long time, I believe for many years. How easy we set limitations in our lives, all the while blind to their existence.  Regardless, I am awakened, moving in some type of direction (I feel it is forward movement on the correct path) but definitely not backwards! The majority of my life transition (meaning my internal growth, renewed strength, and awakened vitality) has been in the last 3 years, which happens to coincide with my start of writing. I wasn’t someone who wrote my entire life and I don’t have years and years of journals, nor pages and pages of poetry. Simply, I started writing a couple years back and found an emotional surge of passion flowing through me.

The thing about finding yourself in the middle of transformation (in midlife-the typical midlife crisis…lol) there is usually a catalyst to change. And, if I were to write exactly what has triggered my awakening, I’m afraid it would take a book (hahaha). I cannot pinpoint any one particular event that hurled me into this creative place-many factors have come into play-call me a slow starter/learner, late bloomer, or maybe I just possess a mind needing not just one event, but a whole series of events to kick my ass into gear. Whatever it was, it has been a devastatingly emotional journey to get to this point.

I cannot explain in any formation or construct of words what I have been through mentally, emotionally and physically since I started writing! I have drowned, been garroted, heart ripped from my chest, my breath taken away, bound my wrists, bruised my palms, bled from my soul. I’ve been bit, suffocated, and impaled, kissed pale lips, tasted fire, touched earth, flew through a thousand galaxies, cried oceans of tears and died again and again in raging storms of emotions…I have lived and died, and been rebirth a thousand times a thousand more. And every tumultuous moment, every second of self inflicting pain, every stunning word, every glorious breath, every dive into the depths of despair, and every lift into the heavens has been worth it! Worth it to get me to where I find myself at, in this very beautiful moment!

I am so excited about this new creative project I am developing. It came at me with the  speed and strength of a lightening bolt. How can anyone deny that creative awakening? I am just in the very beginning stages of development. I am definitely breathing a little heavier due to the enormity of it and so uncertain how to complete this project! Quite frankly, I am a little petrified because I have never desired so strongly to take something on like this before. Right now I am immersing myself in learning and absorbing whatever scraps that can be wedged inside my being. It is nerve-wracking, and as I type this publicly putting it out there, I am worried I won’t realize this project. Fear I will once again fail at something. Scared that I will remain as I have been for so many years. So I could fail! But what is amazing? I am taking a leap!!!

intimate spaces in between…

I’ll leave you be love
where’s the synergy 
the desire
the need
come 
leave
fully present
undeniably slient
the expectations of beauty
comes scarce anymore
have we almost died out
from too much burning in my heart 
it is forgetting to hope
I’ve been here awhile 
in this crashed mountain 
battered flesh
deep dark bruising 
cold its constant coat
winter blue anymore
I miss my summering space
when I was alive and sweltering
tan hips knew to rise
to greet the sun’s kiss
a fountain of honey flowed
my lips felt sweeter 
my fingertips hungry
such eagerness in my pen
and you tasted all of me

Perhaps I must 
leave you be love
yet know though
nowhere would I rather be
then intimately in you 
and in every space in between

Monumental…

Today has been absolutely monumental! I have had a huge emotional breakthrough and, a beautiful creative project idea washed over me, flooding my reservoir, so natural the fluidity of its arrival…so soft and formative. I am feeling so full of astounding love. So excited, so contented…just a freaking amazing day!

pregnancy of silence…

Time inbetween
lasts tenfold
I’m still unsettled in silence
yet here,  once again,
another moment
I must reconcile that silence
is not what it seems
not what I have so oftened 
experienceed or how I usually
defined it to be
Its pregnant pain though
the kind I can’t breathe away
although I am trying love
taking
long 
slow 
deep 
breaths
trust that it isn’t 
neglect or rejection 
learning to be contented
embrace these moments
as what we need to be
a sacred practice of self-love
a meditation for complex creativity
Forgive me
I am taking far foo long
to change my perception 
I believe though
we are halfway there
from meeting
each other half way