Not so Happy Mother’s Day 

I want to REMEMBER her
what it feels like
to hold her hand
to have her arms around me
her hand to soothe my headache
to lay in comfort of her presence

I want to KNOW her
how red lipstick made her feel 
Did she lay in bed with a foreboding
Ever feel the weight of gravity
What did she think as she looked
at the sun playing on grey walls
Did she feel unloved too
Who was her greatest love
Did he abandoned her
How did she come up with my name
Did she write poetry in secret
Did she cry when she left
Did she love me fiercely 
What does she think of her grandkids
Does she come to them in their sleep

I want to remember my mother
I want to know the woman too
I know I loved her and still LOVE her
All I have is too few years and a handful of beautiful Mom memories (I think) before she died
So many years I have lived
in her SILENCE 
So many, too many
unanswered questions…

and that as well of other people I love


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