Random spillage…wtf ever

don’t need an answer
It is not meant to exhaust you 
there is no hidden agenda
other than this is me
some where in the jumbled
mess of words
thoughts, and feelings! 
I just feel the need to write it out 
Whatever comes  to mind…
And for fuck sakes
doesn’t anyone listen
or care anymore
so tired of stress and strain
feeling ineffective and incapable
restless is my breathing
starving for innermost peace
I worry
worry I’m going to exchange
one type of stress for another
tired of fucking bullshit 
of being temporary 
being a smorgasbord of entertainment
The kicking post 
or just plain ol’ forgotten
pile of discarded crumpled papers
is it so hard to love
to be love 
to gift love
I don’t get people who don’t 
I don’t understand
my heart
isn’t built for war or assassinations
I line my eyes in midnight blue
hoping they shine like stars
millions of years old
I want better discernment
fortified in my mind
so I quit breaking
my own heart
why do I even bother
to dream…