extrodinary within her ordinary day…

“there is no pretense to my breathing

or its mere seconds of suspension

when I feel you well up within me…”

 

There is no other that I choose, and yet how can I live the rest of my years here with a cold loneliness, a void hidden deep within. I, in constant flux of this living and dying. It is like a thousand thieves steal my gentleness and I rage for extraodinary…these winged words fly away and remain uncaptured by him

 

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War to love…

I use to think I needed to reach a certain place to be defined as successful, but I have move beyond those thoughts. I choose to not remain in a certain place, nor plant my feet on any plateau, nor assume I am completed pieces of a put-together-puzzle! Life is evolution, ever in motion, in a constant state of flux, a river snaked to the ocean, evaporation to rain, of storms and swells, lapping tides, rushing and crashing, to calming ebb and flow.

I willingly dive into life’s waters, yet it is not always an easy choice. Even seemingly safe waters are decieving, distances are skewed, the shallows are not necessarily safe, and a deeper depth just may save you…what appears to be, is not always what is. To live is to risk! Evanesce of pain and hurt requires change, requires one to rage war within, requires an acceptance of dark to find light, to search bloody battlefields of self to find love, to love oneself and to love others.

To become love is my choosing and it  has been so very hard these past few years to be open to change, to brave the heartwrenching pain that comes from stretching beyond self-imposed thresholds, so that I may peel back layers, dismantle the metal armor, tear rancid flesh from my bones lying in blood and dust,  just to expose the very core of my existence. I am full of scars, and still tend to the cuts bleeding…self-love does rage against self-hate. Yet, how precious my spirit, my soul, willing to risk all that I created, everything desirable and undesireable, all that I have known, to become more than a statistic, more than a label, more than my sex, more than my physical body, more than someone else’s measure of my worth.

And where does all this leave me? Still willing! Trusting this moment to lead me into the next moment, to guide me from novice to mastery…through war…to love

 

❤ M

 

an excerpt…

Transmutation

reminiscent of something beautiful

I am falling

like light filtered through trees

almost feathering across your heart

when I reach you

it will only illuminate

a deeper violet flame 

skin to skin

we are shimmer and blaze

radiance

finally remembered

love & healing

connected before time

ever knew to be

 

The above is an excerpt from my current creative project, in the making since February of this year. I have no time table as to when it will be complete, as inspiration comes delivered in increments of divine timing.

I am constantly being tested and learning to be giving, and receptive to self-love, unconditional love, awareness, and patience…