War to love…

I use to think I needed to reach a certain place to be defined as successful, but I have move beyond those thoughts. I choose to not remain in a certain place, nor plant my feet on any plateau, nor assume I am completed pieces of a put-together-puzzle! Life is evolution, ever in motion, in a constant state of flux, a river snaked to the ocean, evaporation to rain, of storms and swells, lapping tides, rushing and crashing, to calming ebb and flow.

I willingly dive into life’s waters, yet it is not always an easy choice. Even seemingly safe waters are decieving, distances are skewed, the shallows are not necessarily safe, and a deeper depth just may save you…what appears to be, is not always what is. To live is to risk! Evanesce of pain and hurt requires change, requires one to rage war within, requires an acceptance of dark to find light, to search bloody battlefields of self to find love, to love oneself and to love others.

To become love is my choosing and it  has been so very hard these past few years to be open to change, to brave the heartwrenching pain that comes from stretching beyond self-imposed thresholds, so that I may peel back layers, dismantle the metal armor, tear rancid flesh from my bones lying in blood and dust,  just to expose the very core of my existence. I am full of scars, and still tend to the cuts bleeding…self-love does rage against self-hate. Yet, how precious my spirit, my soul, willing to risk all that I created, everything desirable and undesireable, all that I have known, to become more than a statistic, more than a label, more than my sex, more than my physical body, more than someone else’s measure of my worth.

And where does all this leave me? Still willing! Trusting this moment to lead me into the next moment, to guide me from novice to mastery…through war…to love

 

❤ M

 

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being…

I need not to think

 but just rest in knowing this moment

 for the past is no longer

and the future yet to be

I do not need to think

I may rest in this knowing of now

because to think is to develop expectation

and expectation is to focus on the non exisiting

( both past and future)

and to live in the past or the future

is not opening

is not flowering

is not spreading seeds

nor perfume

in the present moment

and to not be in the moment of now

is limiting

is suppression

is not breathing pure existence

but rather weighted in illusion

I need not to think

but to only be