a starlit hope…

I don’t want to return
to those seconds where I died
it is not the scene of a pretty flower wiliting
rather a self-massacre
a dissection of  heart and mind and soul
I drowned in my own pooled blood
it was warm for a  few minutes
as if relief escaped the wound
I so thick-layered with darkness
I could only reach out into the emptiness
I don’t need to return to that lifetime
I just never want to forget death
for rebirth follows
long ago in that darkness
a star shone its message
and my heart still yearns
for its lighted hope

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spread…

I was never anything

so murderous

until i slipped out of my clothes

gently fell each piece to the floor

bare and daring

I gave myself

over and again

again and again

whatever I was looking for

it never came

with pink lips and

breathless sighs

I was never anything

as murderous as me!

 

 

 

I have forgotten…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called breathing
what it’s like to lay
effortless
easy
unaware 
unaffected…

I have fogotten this thing
this thing called comfort 
what its like to be wrapped
safely tucked in
warm
weatherproofed
protected…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called forgetting
forgetting to forget
your color
your beauty
your reflection
sound of every word you’ve written…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called L (cursor blinking)

no! I haven’t forgotten
*erases that line

I don’t know this thing
this thing called

…LOVE…

truth of a flawed heart…

The thing about this heart is
it’s NEVER NOT broken…flawed
it’s my fault for not being more careful
for believing what other hearts say
settling for less than what it deserves
hoping for warmth from those like winter
falling for lies desguised as truth
awaiting room in those with no vacancy
mapping empty space of a ghost ship
hearing music when it’s only white noise
catching thorns dressed as roses
believing you were reaching when really you were walking away…
the thing about this heart is
she still hopes
still loves
is still starving…

❣️

less beautifully lived…

The years are evident
the way they conformed to her spine 
the crows feet a reminder of the desert floor she’s been walking through
Her mouth now withered 
the smile faded
the glint in her eyes dying out
she is invisible
touching each one
her magic preformed in fast motion
as each one passes by 
with their gorgeousperfumed skin
taking air with them
stepping in time with fate
and her head bows once again 
at a life less beautifully lived
her aging hands bending 
beyond her control
a deep breath catches in her throat
 as she chokes on sorrow
her lip never ceasing to catch the ocean
spilling from her eyes