a wildness honing…

I have lived a lifetime in this last year. I am aged and I am split into versions of me. I’m letting go of the old to clear way for the new, yet I have deep ties to the older version of me that I won’t…can’t unthether.  Not that anyone is asking or expecting me to. Some things I must hold and carry with me, which I am gloriously happy to do so.

The next steps I take are a sensitive matter…this path requiring a delicate balance. I must trust my ability, spread love farther, deeper than ever I’ve chance. I am willing! I am willing to experience life rather than be in it. To fling wide my heart and paint my passion, rest and withdraw when necessary, ride the waves of emotions, trust my inner-knowing and LOVE from the deepest depths within me. I am willing to live, never having not love with grace and beauty,

This is a pivotal point, a portent, a masterpiece emerging, a wildness honing…

a starlit hope…

I don’t want to return
to those seconds where I died
it is not the scene of a pretty flower wiliting
rather a self-massacre
a dissection of  heart and mind and soul
I drowned in my own pooled blood
it was warm for a  few minutes
as if relief escaped the wound
I so thick-layered with darkness
I could only reach out into the emptiness
I don’t need to return to that lifetime
I just never want to forget death
for rebirth follows
long ago in that darkness
a star shone its message
and my heart still yearns
for its lighted hope

undefining love…

I am passing into this knowing…

unapologetically wild

 ever is my love alame

never to change nor dissipate

 birthed immortal

from a distance unleashed

illuminating unexpectedly

alchemical and fluent

an artistry becoming

unending

burning pure and sweetly

this force unclaimed

 meant for others

may they draw breath from me

stroking a willingness

to move beyond

the reticent settlement

of their heart…

may I always be giving of this beautiful gift

may I always faithfully and fully comprehend it

may I never be ashamed of my heart

may I never expect it returned

may I illuminate

LOVE

 

Love is undefineable! So to limit its meaning within the confines of the human mind is butchering love’s ability. If we must measure it, know it is pure and limitless. Anything short of that, know it is love skewed. I have been here before…this place of shame for my ability to love. Sometimes writing poetry speaking of such distorted perception; ultimately placing restrictions out of fear and lack. It has only birthed more fear and lack. To love just to love, without expectation and gain is a constant war of ego and soul. It is very human to be at war with love within. I am learning of love, of loving myself, and letting go of an ideal, and an expectated outcome. I am undefining love!

 

a fading lifespan…

her strength never failed

somewhere there hiding in the shadows

simply ready to be as she was born to be

a warrioress, a teacher,  a healer

divine feminine lying in wait

for her human fragility

to shatter as porcelain

gather every delicate piece

rearrange herself an artpiece

arise anew

This poem was written 3 months ago. I had no idea I wrote this until now as I decided to look at the drafts folder. So many times I have started to write only to abandon it, and yet, have I?  My heart knew what my mind did not…to let fade a hurting lifespan, and to become anew

 

 

 

 

an anniversary…a death…a resurrection

It has been 2 years since registering on WordPress. So it stated in my notifications a few days ago. It hasn’t felt that long ago even with all the pauses I took from writing. Perhaps that is what came to mind (is time relevant?) when I thought about the purpose of my writing. I asked myself if I wanted to keep writing in the same manner, still feel the same pain over and over again, experience the same ache and loneliness wedged inbetween the lines, wake up a few years from now still carrying the heaviness of loss?

I have taken quite a extensive break from writing in the last couple of months. I just stopped feeling inspired! I felt a part of me die! I felt that I had nothing more to say! I felt once again that the same pattern came back to haunt me! And, so I let go! Every once in awhile I worried I would never write again, but writing is inside me, alive and breathing. I lay dormant so I could release the old energy I have carried for a long while now. and in my stillness I suffered, was pummled, torn and cut, cried, mourned, died a thousand deaths, but not without reason, not without purpose. The dark night of the shadow is very true. My moon groaned…my sun dimmed…ego death is so very hard to embrace.

So I am here again, without expectation. A resurrection? Well, not the old shadow self. But there will be more shedding of old skin…you can just sense it when you have more to release…beauty from ashes, let me burn…I am still becoming M