a fading lifespan…

her strength never failed

somewhere there hiding in the shadows

simply ready to be as she was born to be

a warrioress, a teacher,  a healer

divine feminine lying in wait

for her human fragility

to shatter as porcelain

gather every delicate piece

rearrange herself an artpiece

arise anew

This poem was written 3 months ago. I had no idea I wrote this until now as I decided to look at the drafts folder. So many times I have started to write only to abandon it, and yet, have I?  My heart knew what my mind did not…to let fade a hurting lifespan, and to become anew

 

 

 

 

rough…

 

lines feathered and muted

rough art inside me anymore

uncertainty blankets my heart

I don’t really fucking care anymore (I try to convince myself)

running sounds sane

yet I won’t escape

I’ve tried to exhale

waiting to be delivered from

every thought and feeling…

yes

no

I feel

I don’t

I don’t fucking care (silence is convincing me)

leave

love

lie

wtf ever

 

 

 

 

 

cut…

it is moments as these

I am falling further away

felled pile of ruins

my chest caves and my heart unstiches itself

every stretch mark across my womb aches

a reminder of love carried

yet emptied is the state of me

when am I not failing

when will I become worthwhile

long is my life still to live

and far too long to be nothing beautifully measured

  only ever cut by everyone

worn…

it doesn’t matter anymore

my heart is worn

weary in battle

I have me to love me

but it is the worst heartache

to endure and recover from

and now knowing all these years wasted

because in the end you have no control

other than to caress your own hand

wipe away your own tears

whisper to yourself

“I am here!”

some were just never meant to be loved by another…

the question I ask myself

“Can I live with such a reality?”

than I answer myself

“you already are!”

turn from…alee of him

the site of his ice blue eyes sweeps over me

where did he well up from inside

I buried him a long ago

and why now

what triggered him in my chest

in my head

my mind feels electric

I sit here remembering life in those eyes

as he drifts across memory

everything he knew of me held in that one glance

we knew without knowing all those years ago

and in this second I still feel him breathe

as if he is near

yet, muscle memory will know

to tuck him away

turn from him

alee of him

he fades to black

his smoke dissipates

he never came

 

once upon a sleeper…

you opened my cocooned pod
I felt the ice melting
from my cryogenic sleep
raising my beats
from shunned to shine
I began to upcycle wasted tears
eyelashes coated with stardust 
I braved the idea of possibilites
conquered a black diamond run
one turn at time
I was felled darling
with black dove wings
trying to reach peace
atop your sky…

I don’t know now 
where you are…