a beautiful soul…

There is this soul
who is beautiful air
a gentle teacher
a willing student 
whom has shown 
love and kindness 
my soul is filling 
because of his pathway
his belief
his beauty 
his pain
his name…

I am grateful


of random thoughts…

I know we get caught up  in the the tangle of what we don’t have, feeling as if something is missing, so much so we can’t even begin to see what’s truly beautiful around us.

We forget to look and be grateful, hardly able to remember the definition of positivity. Forgetting that what we think we perceive, what we precive comes to be.
I am so guilty of this inclination to self loathe, to be drowning in negative thoughts, which leads to negative circumstance. Yet I don’t remain there. 

I am a constant student of self, learning to cope with theses thoughts that have plagued me from when I can first remember…around age five. 

Thank goodness I have a few people full of optimism and love and support in my immediate world. And yes, often I feel very much alone and unloved. Although I have such love for them. Without them I may have drowned a thousand times. 

I know my wordpress has such dark self hating matter but please know if it is written on a page, it is released, exposed, it is no longer hiding in the deep recess of my being. For me it is healing to uncover the dark. 

This blog is my medium for that healing ritual. It is the way of me and I am ever evolving, ever breathing, some moments beautiful and elegant, and other moments slipping deep into the darkest of ache. 

Remember though, I am…far more full of love, Am loved, am surrounded by love and I am love itself…

stay or leave…read or don’t…Be a part of my life or not…yet I will have loved you regardless. 
I have had lived through some very dark and rough circumstances and I am still here standing, full of love for humanity, even in our depravity we are worthy of love, have the ability to love, are love!

Remember this darlings


Yesterday’s afternoon…

what a wonderful soul
to say openly of his struggle
to speak of his comeback
fire took his belongings 
try to turn his spirit to dead ash
yet he in his depressed stillness 
found a quiet strength 
and is on the rise once more
what a lovely man
the gentle vulnerability 
I find in his manner
refreshing ease
evident in our conversation
as we spoke briefly of life 
and its tough delivery

*This man will never know how I see him. He will never know I write of him today. And if I should see him again I will smile for rare is such raw and exposing honesty. My heart appreciates these kind of moments and people such as he. 

undrained love…

Even if you waste me
my love
this love
it doesn’t fade
I try to undeliver it
to numb 
to unplug 
and drain myself
yet it is impossible
I just lay inside this deep pool
love spills over
you could stay away
for a millennia
come back to my edge
and drink in this love
for it never stagnates
never dissipates
pours out

a waterfall of words…and words spread amongst my ground and grow

Pay attention
pay attention screams
my intuition

soil dry
my soul
long have I 
neglected tilling
too busy trying 
to grow from stone
failing on the outskirt 
I have forgotten
the seeds within
growing things will crack open
spring forth life
from within
uprooting earth 
layering the ground 
not without water,
not without light
having never doubt
it’s  grand design 
flower and bloom 
feed & cover the world 
I neglected my soil
my soul I am unforgivable 
forgetting to love you 
left forgotten
you have only been alone
toiling in the dark
this mind has blocked your sun
and the water of tears only
falls to my pillow 
no more are you
in the shadows
darkened by neglect

dead in weeds 
they can’t feed you
but I can
sweet water can ammend 
adjust postion 
into garden
bee to kiss bloom
to feed
circle our our world 
and others

my yesterday morning; little acts of human kindess…alive & beautiful breathing things!

She is a lovely boisterous joy of sunshine! Always walking her poodle and always a little out breath! She is a restless creature and her laughter infectious! You can’t help but smile and giggle with her when she comes around. I had one such occasion yesterday morning when I walked around my desk to see her opening the foyer door. Her face lit up with a bright smile and I couldn’t help but smile, when she said, “Oh Melissa, good morning!” I asked how she was doing and as always she answered, “I am wonderful!” Yes, she is! She loves the morning hours because it is cooler, and loves to walk around the fish pond! Now as we were talking, her sweet poodle decide to use the concrete sidewalk to lay its business rather than the grass. And kept laying its business again and again.  (Apparently the dog had a really good meal the night before) On the same sidewalk other visitors use to enter the building. 

She apologized, said the she and dog had t-bone steak last night and perhaps it was a little too rich for her dog. She informed me not worry, that she would clean it up and began to clean up the mess. Very quickly I realized that amout of cleaning up was not going to be done with just tissue! Lol…

I went inside and grabbed paper towels and started filling a pitcher full of water… As I was walking back towards the door, she called to me and started asking me if she could have paper towels as she was asking for paper towels, I was holding  out my hand full of paper towels! She couldnt believe it…”How did you know?” She asked!  I just giggled and said I had a feeling it was going to require water and paper towels to clean it up! “Oh thank you so much Melissa!” She kept thanking me. I was glad to help her but also because I knew I couldn’t leave that kind of mess on the sidewalk that vistors use!

So there I was pouring water on the spots that remained and she wiping the sidewalk. We could help but laugh at the situation. It took pitcher after pitcher of water but eventually it was clean enough! I gave her a trash bag for the used paper towels! Oh my what a mess! Yet in the end, it didnt matter the mess. It was one person helping another. And two people helping and receiving help, with a smile and a giggle! 

She appreciated the help. Told me to come see her later she wanted to give me something.  I told her it was just part of my job. She laughed and said, No! Your job is not to pick up my dog’s poop!” I told her it was a jointed effort that benefited both of us…And with that we went back to our day. 

A few hours later with that same smile  but now with magenta color lipstick , she walked into the reception area, handed me a bouquet of flowers and pumpkin macadamia nut cookies.  I was astounded! How long has it been since I’ve been given flowers or anything for that matter? I am so grateful for her precious laugh and smile, and her gift of beautiful flowers…little acts of human kindess are alive and beautiful breathing things!