gold riot…

I am gold dust anymore

dancing within the wind

wild and uncaring

catch my eyes shining

where only your storm remains

my lips no longer speak

of temptutous devils

their beautiful words

long murdered inside me

i know now

i know dark and light

smoked holes and divine temples

in far away places

my fingers tracing a riot and eternity

and you founded in every space

every line and curve

no other will do

I know now

I know

I know

believe

here I am

and you

 still existing

*For you darling

 

 

 

 

redress me…

what are they anyway 
what good have these words brought 
except to bring such sweet torture 
honey drips from my womb
deliverance is silky as each syllable 
should slip across your tongue 
and redress my unworshipped altar 
I ask you; what you have engraved
upon with piercing eyes 
a color once unknown soaking deep 
into my bloodstream 
in this you have shaken me 
should you come awaken my lips
if ever they fall silently
these hours of knitted words
tethered and bound to my soul
will settle in your marrow
and wonder no longer
of missing home

longing to form…

I am not lost in dreams 
you very clearly running
through my mind
what you have gifted
where you write wisdom
lays in my chest
edging deeper 
underneath my ribs
dare I say again
I love you
what if it grows deeper
does that thought move you
nearby or distant 
if you palmed your chest
does my heartbeat
shore there 
love is not of fearful matter
nor a darkly stabbing place
it is inhaling another without strain
finding hesitation 
alarmingly beautiful 
right before lips come eagerly 
pressing 
it is that moment
everything will be known
if ever we will know
a kiss

longing 

in the morning my waterfall falls…

how is that on my day off
I wake up and not want to write
is it apathy, indifference 
maybe just uninspired
my muse sleeping
my love tucked away
my passion idle
I feel the neglect in my gut
as if I could abandon my pen
crawl back into old skin
put on that old facade of
Kansas plain
lackluster pallor 
winter pale
even christmas
seems determined dull
my mind was bended yesterday
full of contemplation 
my body too
desire aching 
evidence of scented sensuality 
and an obedience satisfied
pleasing to someone
to me
the sun is coloring me
changing the dark shadowed walls
of my grey room
warming up hope
for today
I know I will love
do love 
it spreads across these pages
these little 
scripted confessions
and poetry
of times & places
of people & secrets 
I love my vulnerability
it feels like 
I could type out the remains
of all my shards
my mosaic
ever progressing 
I don’t want to finish it in this life
Let me come back again
again & again
again a thousand times
carrying midnight & dawn
so he finds me
intimate in his solitude
whispered in his darkness
lovely in the newness
of  every spectrum of light
…and as I begin to flow 
let loose my waterfall
my layers are opening 
and how my voice
my words
my pen
are found again
never can they
lay empty 
long

of random thoughts…

I know we get caught up  in the the tangle of what we don’t have, feeling as if something is missing, so much so we can’t even begin to see what’s truly beautiful around us.

We forget to look and be grateful, hardly able to remember the definition of positivity. Forgetting that what we think we perceive, what we precive comes to be.
I am so guilty of this inclination to self loathe, to be drowning in negative thoughts, which leads to negative circumstance. Yet I don’t remain there. 

I am a constant student of self, learning to cope with theses thoughts that have plagued me from when I can first remember…around age five. 

Thank goodness I have a few people full of optimism and love and support in my immediate world. And yes, often I feel very much alone and unloved. Although I have such love for them. Without them I may have drowned a thousand times. 

I know my wordpress has such dark self hating matter but please know if it is written on a page, it is released, exposed, it is no longer hiding in the deep recess of my being. For me it is healing to uncover the dark. 

This blog is my medium for that healing ritual. It is the way of me and I am ever evolving, ever breathing, some moments beautiful and elegant, and other moments slipping deep into the darkest of ache. 

Remember though, I am…far more full of love, Am loved, am surrounded by love and I am love itself…

stay or leave…read or don’t…Be a part of my life or not…yet I will have loved you regardless. 
I have had lived through some very dark and rough circumstances and I am still here standing, full of love for humanity, even in our depravity we are worthy of love, have the ability to love, are love!

Remember this darlings

❤️️M

til death steals…

cannot fathom such touch anymore
its meaning slit and deleted 
gone 
dissipated
desire
in the h0urs, days, months
lost track 
what is like anymore
in between the heat of thighs
moans and sighs loitering no longer
her youth stolen
her prime unwanted 
do they find pleasure in wasting her
no understanding of their inner working 
perhaps she has known all along
the poetry of being used
tossed aside
wasted 
unwanted
unloved
so offensive is she? deserving?
and yet she burns evermore
burn baby burn
Til death upon death 
steals this soul’s fire 

in glance of a photograph…

it is in a glance of you
my heart entranced
an unknown ocean swells
inside my chest 
underneath my ribs
rushing surf in my ears
epicenter of my heart
I wonder could I 
love like love should
more than now
any deeper
and why this way
and in this now
and you
yet still why would I 
imagine in limitation
think I do not fit your design 
or perhaps feel I am somehow 
faulted in meaning
am I not essential
why should I relegate 
I am not less than or 
culminate feels of a lesser thing
this soul is beyond comprehension 
unfathomable in ability
carries unknown space
Ageless in timelessness 
and yet, here
in this moment
I am her 
and she, me
in existence 
breathing you 
this love
of an ancient
and of a yet born…

and all in a glance
of a photograph