War to love…

I use to think I needed to reach a certain place to be defined as successful, but I have move beyond those thoughts. I choose to not remain in a certain place, nor plant my feet on any plateau, nor assume I am completed pieces of a put-together-puzzle! Life is evolution, ever in motion, in a constant state of flux, a river snaked to the ocean, evaporation to rain, of storms and swells, lapping tides, rushing and crashing, to calming ebb and flow.

I willingly dive into life’s waters, yet it is not always an easy choice. Even seemingly safe waters are decieving, distances are skewed, the shallows are not necessarily safe, and a deeper depth just may save you…what appears to be, is not always what is. To live is to risk! Evanesce of pain and hurt requires change, requires one to rage war within, requires an acceptance of dark to find light, to search bloody battlefields of self to find love, to love oneself and to love others.

To become love is my choosing and it  has been so very hard these past few years to be open to change, to brave the heartwrenching pain that comes from stretching beyond self-imposed thresholds, so that I may peel back layers, dismantle the metal armor, tear rancid flesh from my bones lying in blood and dust,  just to expose the very core of my existence. I am full of scars, and still tend to the cuts bleeding…self-love does rage against self-hate. Yet, how precious my spirit, my soul, willing to risk all that I created, everything desirable and undesireable, all that I have known, to become more than a statistic, more than a label, more than my sex, more than my physical body, more than someone else’s measure of my worth.

And where does all this leave me? Still willing! Trusting this moment to lead me into the next moment, to guide me from novice to mastery…through war…to love

 

❤ M

 

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an excerpt…

Transmutation

reminiscent of something beautiful

I am falling

like light filtered through trees

almost feathering across your heart

when I reach you

it will only illuminate

a deeper violet flame 

skin to skin

we are shimmer and blaze

radiance

finally remembered

love & healing

connected before time

ever knew to be

 

The above is an excerpt from my current creative project, in the making since February of this year. I have no time table as to when it will be complete, as inspiration comes delivered in increments of divine timing.

I am constantly being tested and learning to be giving, and receptive to self-love, unconditional love, awareness, and patience…

 

 

 

meditation…

I am already inward
everything I am to know
I have birthed
I am breathing
to go outward 
is to step into illusion
is to block fluidity
is to deny my soul’s experience
my soul’s existence
inner-knowing
is to be potentiality
the center point of experience
unexpectant
unencumbered

 

this gentle stillness
this knowing
this love
I am; experience

 

a certain keeping…

why should she resist

resonating within her heart

he is risk luring her to leap

yet, hesitation borders the edge

where silence pulls her mind

want & ache propel her veins

dread is not her cloak

nor fear her religion

only he, a lighted sky; aflame

revolution of wildfire storms

as love touches the boundary of skin

beautiful scars lay permenant underneath

blood rushes

breath flows

earth consistenly shifts

sensuous years left spinning; still unknown

time an ever-revolving mystery

and our love…

a certain keeping

slipping us into the deep

we, a whisper away

 

 

 

Violence & Violet of my Veins…

I let it all fall away

this aged untruth

brittle & cracked 

little bits & pieces blow away

 in every gust of your air

why should I awaken at this time

surrounded 

in unexplainable phenomena 

is any reason necessary…

I must be unafraid

an opened heart

dreaming light

breathing ageless memories

and find you are

the violence and violet

 of my veins

 

sequence of woman…

Could she be anymore feminine than now

holding a tiny mouth to her breast

I dare not disrupt beauty

heart sighs

love beating deeply

a mask I have seen

 I have worn 

contented 

pure joy

speaking silence

 a secret language

glance between

mother and child…

 

I am, still

woman and mother

of dust and energy

water and synchronicity

breath and blood

as stars above

and below the ground

mystery and wonder

cocooned art

love comes first

from within where life grows

and carriers born of that womb

repeat the same sequence…

 

woman to mother to woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

in the midst of resting…

There is something healing about stepping back, stepping away, looking in another direction, laying down the heavy baggage and resting. I suppose I am still in the midst of such a respite. It has been, and still is emotionally tumultous but I wouldn’t change a thing! I know it is for my greatest good. I recognize the synchronicities, feel the abundance welling within…I know it leads to everything good and just, and is divinely guided.

I’m not haunted. I’m no longer running from nor chasing ghosts. I’m setting them free! Yet, I will never forget the beauty of each shiver, every lick of the whip, every whisper of deeply held pain! I ask that it stays cleaved to me so that I might never forget, to remember, to understand what others go through, to give my experience and my pain a voice, and to say to those in similar territories…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!””I see you!”

How can I explain this journey? The path only illuminated by faith! The details unbelievable…unexplainable! To tell my truth, this unfathomable truth will come if only I never resist. The words will come when they are ready. I know my heart is healing, and it is a living, breathing, beautiful entity to carry within my chest. And my soul? Oh my ancient beautiful soul…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!” “I see you!”

 

gold riot…

I am gold dust anymore

dancing within the wind

wild and uncaring

catch my eyes shining

where only your storm remains

my lips no longer speak

of temptutous devils

their beautiful words

long murdered inside me

i know now

i know dark and light

smoked holes and divine temples

in far away places

my fingers tracing a riot and eternity

and you founded in every space

every line and curve

no other will do

I know now

I know

I know

believe

here I am

and you

 still existing

*For you darling

 

 

 

 

breath of life…

 

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*pic from bing images

There is this existence of you

entwined in rays of light

somehow in silence

in stillness

you linger

an unknown air

all encompassing

as if I have yet to be

yet to breathe 

until you…

 

 

yet, you…

I feel the mend

time bending

as it reaches for me

an awakening that

no one can quite hear

yet, you…

in intimate stillness

in nestled healing

is where I also form

tomorrow doesn’t reveal itself

we shouldn’t beg for it

only sway in this moment

as passion and beauty unfold

open with abandon

where we become

alive