heart like this…heavy  love

Many hours 
have I been
as this 
coagulated 
gummed 
trying to lift my love
out of the slurry 
of the deeper well
I have perfected 
eviceration
many written blood moons
phases of a heart like this
I lay open altered
sacrificial 
slabbed and stuck
ruptured
wildfire seeping through
ripped scars
my blood runs
a long trail
of heavy love

til death steals…

cannot fathom such touch anymore
its meaning slit and deleted 
gone 
dissipated
desire
in the h0urs, days, months
lost track 
what is like anymore
in between the heat of thighs
moans and sighs loitering no longer
her youth stolen
her prime unwanted 
do they find pleasure in wasting her
no understanding of their inner working 
perhaps she has known all along
the poetry of being used
tossed aside
wasted 
unwanted
unloved
so offensive is she? deserving?
and yet she burns evermore
burn baby burn
Til death upon death 
steals this soul’s fire 

I have forgotten…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called breathing
what it’s like to lay
effortless
easy
unaware 
unaffected…

I have fogotten this thing
this thing called comfort 
what its like to be wrapped
safely tucked in
warm
weatherproofed
protected…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called forgetting
forgetting to forget
your color
your beauty
your reflection
sound of every word you’ve written…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called L (cursor blinking)

no! I haven’t forgotten
*erases that line

I don’t know this thing
this thing called

…LOVE…

she would have…

the back of her hands
how would age 70 lay?
perhaps light blush or deeper rosé
I still need her on these kind of days
my heart torn 
my mind worn
sun out; no rays
I needed her arms today
shhhhh my beautiful darling
pay no mind
she might say
theres more paths to take 
go pave the way 
Yes lack of love is very cruel
bone breaking 
heart shattering cruel
but she can’t say
nor wipe away the stain
or tears of pain
she would have eased my strain
had she not been 1525.5 miles
and six feet
away

atom & cell…

more than anything 
as she becomes further matter
as she is more dissected 
thinned
finer
defined particles 
these atom & cell
more the less chance 
of breathing 
combing into he
She is feeling loss
an end before beginning 
to become he & she 
A Whole…

less beautifully lived…

The years are evident
the way they conformed to her spine 
the crows feet a reminder of the desert floor she’s been walking through
Her mouth now withered 
the smile faded
the glint in her eyes dying out
she is invisible
touching each one
her magic preformed in fast motion
as each one passes by 
with their gorgeousperfumed skin
taking air with them
stepping in time with fate
and her head bows once again 
at a life less beautifully lived
her aging hands bending 
beyond her control
a deep breath catches in her throat
 as she chokes on sorrow
her lip never ceasing to catch the ocean
spilling from her eyes