extrapolation…

this fucking desire for you

 

more than I want and never ever enough

 

 

…the ruin and making of me

…to have you

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a certain keeping…

why should she resist

resonating within her heart

he is risk luring her to leap

yet, hesitation borders the edge

where silence pulls her mind

want & ache propel her veins

dread is not her cloak

nor fear her religion

only he, a lighted sky; aflame

revolution of wildfire storms

as love touches the boundary of skin

beautiful scars lay permenant underneath

blood rushes

breath flows

earth consistenly shifts

sensuous years left spinning; still unknown

time an ever-revolving mystery

and our love…

a certain keeping

slipping us into the deep

we, a whisper away

 

 

 

Violence & Violet of my Veins…

I let it all fall away

this aged untruth

brittle & cracked 

little bits & pieces blow away

 in every gust of your air

why should I awaken at this time

surrounded 

in unexplainable phenomena 

is any reason necessary…

I must be unafraid

an opened heart

dreaming light

breathing ageless memories

and find you are

the violence and violet

 of my veins

 

unfolding of softness…

I caress the folds of a rose

velvet alive against my fingertips

my words could never describe

so delicately

fragrantly

of such beauty unfolding

 

and what of my lips

as they brush against the petals

does the  color transfer

are you witness to softness

tempted to stain

lingering breathless

waiting to remain

 

 

 

F. D. I. L .Y…

one day you will understand

until then I’ll just drown in music

let my soul float away

slip away

become a cast away

from the rest of the world

in tiny little increments

inbetween the flittering voices and the base beats

its peeling away the dirt

  sweet escape from the grime

 from the breathing in of normalcy…

 

Fuck

Darling

I love you…

 

spread…

I was never anything

so murderous

until i slipped out of my clothes

gently fell each piece to the floor

bare and daring

I gave myself

over and again

again and again

whatever I was looking for

it never came

with pink lips and

breathless sighs

I was never anything

as murderous as me!

 

 

 

til death steals…

cannot fathom such touch anymore
its meaning slit and deleted 
gone 
dissipated
desire
in the h0urs, days, months
lost track 
what is like anymore
in between the heat of thighs
moans and sighs loitering no longer
her youth stolen
her prime unwanted 
do they find pleasure in wasting her
no understanding of their inner working 
perhaps she has known all along
the poetry of being used
tossed aside
wasted 
unwanted
unloved
so offensive is she? deserving?
and yet she burns evermore
burn baby burn
Til death upon death 
steals this soul’s fire 

ice cream not my first choice…

Sometimes
you need 
an escape
such as 
mind-blowing 
sex
or Thai food
or even
something simple
like a cup of 
jamocha almond 
fudge ice cream…

had to settle 
for the latter

was not  
my first choice

9:46 am confession…just another useless waterfall

I stand here questioning
every word of my slient voice
written to the heart of pages

what if my mouth is permanently numb
And I can’t skin you with my tongue

I claim to have this capacity to love
But what if it’s a lie? 
What if I am a lie?
What if I am not real ?
Am I only pretend?
just a fucked up aberration 
or typicality 
unwanted middle aged drab
aging perfumed water
my head spins straight to my core
my heart breaks every minute
in every beat
62 this last minute
splits in two chambers
or eight
Or 64
Unmeasurable hairline fractures

a two headed monster 
what if its always been the dominate Me 
repeated play of hurtful things

I keep seeking self torture
so very little recovery anyway 
so just hurt me
and hurt 
And hurt 
me over again 

never really have I been loved
a proper beautiful thing
only golden threads turn to rust
crushed in hands of would be lovers

Am I this unfeeling dumb bitch 
undeserving
sick and twisted
for my indiscretions   
All those years ago
weak and fettered 
lost girl 
finding and thinking
love between her thighs

how have I become this nothing of force 
just shattered mess of dark red glass
picking up droplets from the dirt
sandy grit having changed my shape 
my edges unable to fit together

incapable blend
sweet wicked berry juice
inproper fraction sips
incomplete whole

what actions
measures have I taken
keep swallowing
to seek and self destroy

Please don’t do it 
don’t destroy
I beg 
I beg 
my pauper cries out
A beggar for something
not ever certain
anymore

I am only good to avoid
as I hold stick glue
trying adhere substance to water

everything of my being
is really unremarkable 
for their absence tells me so

this dark breath sighs
and life I let run over me 
surrender 
let it interpret my outcome

take me
notice or not
numb or too emotional 
love or hate
what am I anyway
but a twitch easily flicked away
a decayed rose 
green thorn inbetween 
third and fourth rib
perhaps fire dying 
and water stilling
try to burn to rise
fail to drown to feel

everything
I am or not
as ever uncertain

yet even more so now
split and splayed 
fileted 
before
you