a cosmic understanding… 

I am
awakened and parched
softer
sweeter
behind closed moments
dreaming in your sunlight
dangling from leaves
the wind against my skin
reminiscent
of your distant sound
I think of you there
in the brilliance
of stained glass & candlelight
like holy fire
brushed aagainst my lips
Mingled with my breath
Come burn an eternity between my thighs
Is there any measure
I can bring you
what can I do for you
my beautiful love
shall I ever convince you
here inside this reservoir of me
You are seeds rooted
beautifully

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settling of abandonment…

I was drawn to reach for his hand

blame it on the quietness of the moment

or the softer side of my heart

as if peace became the only hymn

What did it mean when my hesitation lingered longer than it ever should

as I think of last night, and that moment

I realize like everything of me dressed in femininity

 I fear abandonment

I turned my head away to watch the

darkness racing past the car window

the tempo of the road faint, like my breathing

it seemed safer not to watch the shadows of my hand closing over his

The warmth of his hand was not what it once was, long ago

he did not flinch

did not react to my warmth

did not reach to cradle my fingers

there was no movement

nor the intake of breath

and then I knew

the end

I let my hand stroke his for a moment longer

it spoke of love and apologies

the gentle cradling of our children

and the dying of battles and wars

the white flag, faded, ever tattered, and muddied

I surrendered to being untouched

and slipped into the settling of abandonment

it wasn’t relief though

it was like reading the last page

with an ending unexpected, and no resolution

it was sadness and disappointment

a dull ache in my chest

as I lifted my hand away from his

my heart heard loneliness I so often recognized

the wall was thick and rough

and my palms felt bloodied from trying to climb over

I thought I could soften the stone

only my heart has soften from the years it laid next to him

although I feel the scars stretch and tear a little more

I imagine he does as well

we feel the tear in the fabric

the unravelling of thread…

 

I bowed my head

lightly traced the veins inside my left wrist…

I wish to never be abandoned again

 

chrysalis

What calls me
to take my mind away
I don’t recognize anything inside me anymore
this displacement of air
heaviness in my chest
I still breathe
yet weariness is my shade
black and blue
magenta
I,
no longer in the know of my body
twists and turns
lock me up
steal my former curves
maybe I am the pupa
dreaming of blooms in the wild field
freedom is blurred in this praire wind
the sun still finds me
golden tongue warms my skin
traces the skeleton of my wings
rememebering me
yet becoming me…
transforming breath
chrysalis

unleashed and resonating…

was it manipulation

are my thoughts & intentions pure

if I am in my truth

my ascension

then is it not so

my love too is

unleashed and resonating

I have much to consider

and learn

and set right within myself

clarity is treasure

I won’t doubt

I won’t be disillusioned…

dive deep

come up for air

be unattenuated

remain attentive

understand the  power of breath

alive and flowing

 

unapologetically…be you

Sometimes you just need to get out of your

head

bed

unleash dread

let go of what’s said

sometimes you just need to release the emotions you

hold

lightly or bold

new or old

enlighteningly told

sometimes you need to

step up

step towards

step back

step away

come stay

come around some other day

sometimes you just need to

ruminate

pollinate

illuminate

eradictate

and all the time you need to

be you

become new

be your soul’s purpose

unveil

be spiritual truth

be unapologetically you

an ageless thing…

we spoke of age
and its
inconsistent
measure
young
old
truely I believe you 
it doesn’t matter
it is such an ageless thing
a concept only formed to fit 
the rule-makers design
oft in the mind of the 
passionless and disenchated
I, having been one
my own victim 
to my own murderess ways
minimizing my potency
I lost my way for a long while
yet I’m awakened
ageless
finding my way back to me

There once was a man…
who wanted me

sweet death of a rose…


May death be sweet
like that of a dying rose
past her prime
when molecular structure is chaos
and her heart only knows
to fold and shut in

each petal breaks apart from stem
her last vein severed
though her fragrance lingers
her perfume long lay breathing

shall you watch her 
release her frame
this life inside her aching 
to sustain her worth
and to what moment 
does she finally herald
love, let go…
(don’t…not yet)

May her death be sweet
inhale her one last time
achingly embrace her
beautiful loss in goodbye 
yet do not not leave her 
unattended in her decay 
wondering the reason
of her bloom