splayed…

when I

glance at you

with all my humaness

my mind slips into

overdrive

 

therein

lies illusion

of all the things

I am/am not…

 

 

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if anything, it is a beautiful dream…

I am uncertain I have that vision of possibility
my jaw feels numb as I consider every random bit of me
I blow the incense dust from my keyboard
how did it settle here?
Should I cover my eyes
my mouth 
my heart 
in perfumed smoke
would that make me sacred enough
beautiful enough
to fit your kingdom
to be open inside
you 
I feel at this moment so very
ANCIENT
and missing
components 
a keyed realm so far off
pretty & glamourous
and perhaps you have realized this all along

a cosmic understanding… 

I am
awakened and parched
softer
sweeter
behind closed moments
dreaming in your sunlight
dangling from leaves
the wind against my skin
reminiscent
of your distant sound
I think of you there
in the brilliance
of stained glass & candlelight
like holy fire
brushed aagainst my lips
Mingled with my breath
Come burn an eternity between my thighs
Is there any measure
I can bring you
what can I do for you
my beautiful love
shall I ever convince you
here inside this reservoir of me
You are seeds rooted
beautifully

undefining love…

I am passing into this knowing…

unapologetically wild

 ever is my love alame

never to change nor dissipate

 birthed immortal

from a distance unleashed

illuminating unexpectedly

alchemical and fluent

an artistry becoming

unending

burning pure and sweetly

this force unclaimed

 meant for others

may they draw breath from me

stroking a willingness

to move beyond

the reticent settlement

of their heart…

may I always be giving of this beautiful gift

may I always faithfully and fully comprehend it

may I never be ashamed of my heart

may I never expect it returned

may I illuminate

LOVE

 

Love is undefineable! So to limit its meaning within the confines of the human mind is butchering love’s ability. If we must measure it, know it is pure and limitless. Anything short of that, know it is love skewed. I have been here before…this place of shame for my ability to love. Sometimes writing poetry speaking of such distorted perception; ultimately placing restrictions out of fear and lack. It has only birthed more fear and lack. To love just to love, without expectation and gain is a constant war of ego and soul. It is very human to be at war with love within. I am learning of love, of loving myself, and letting go of an ideal, and an expectated outcome. I am undefining love!

 

the Red Cardinal and the Blue Jay…

they held time

bending air

if only a few seconds

hovering

the length of their wingspan

chest to chest

wide open and roaring

as if the twisting of flames

to lay claim their truth

an undeniable totem

so beautiful a rare moment…

 and suddenly there we were

you and I

suspended and stilled

secret and lies

truth and clarity

a spiritual silence 

 a warring awakening

…nothing and everything

I have really stepped away from writing for quite sometime now. It’s not an intentional thing, rather I just found myself distant from my writing self. Perhaps I created these heavy barriers!  My fears spoke a little while back, I was paralyzed for a few minutes in the space of a few minutes, and that fear ultimately pushed me into a silence I no longer care to fucking endure. Of course there are more reasons I care not to reveal but let me say it is/has been a rough path I wander. I know now why I have gone this way…I do so for growth, truth, clarity, because it is a necessary process, the kind where towers collaspe, the truth of the weak foundation exposed, the kind where I welcome the shedding of old skin, ridding the dust that has settled inbetween the cracks of all the previous years. Despite the overwhlming ache and pain, in the deepest part of my soul, this shedding comes regardless. All these dark layers, the wastelands that are uncovered, they are the fuel for a beautiful propulsion through an opening in the veil. I gratefully, achefully, painfully, knee-deep and drowing, wade through it all. I don’t want to go back to the other side, the side faded of the truth of me. So I let the vapor overtake and permeate, the ghosts care not to stay here in this atmosphere. This valley I look out into and walk through is for the greatest reason and that greatest reason is always for LOVE…a love beyond the limitations of our human mind. It starts within! A deeper, slow growing seed, watered for longer than a millennia, or more, and often again and again!

The poem is not necessarily speaking of the field I have been in. And yet is so true to form in my writing. Multiple layers weaved through simple words as the humaness of me and the spiritual inner knowing of me soaks into and colors the pages. I never see it until later afte r the writing is down on the page.

This morning during my walk I realized how much I miss the poetess in me. I feel more beautiful, as if she is the only truth to me, but I know I am she and she is me! I am many parts of a whole…some parts lay stilled, far away, seperated from me/she (That is a longer story!)

Anyway, this morning during my walk I knew I needed to bring back my breath, open my heart again, break free from self-imposed chains of expectations that have failed to come true. So after my walk, when sharing space with my granddaugter and one of my beautiful daughters, we sat quiet as the music played. I was relaxed and at peace, content for the gentle moment. I could feel the energy building, the words daring to writhe to the surface. A hunger…a knowing

Music is a muse that manifests poetry from a deep place in me. I always feel I am reminisceing of earlier lifetimes when writing. Often I stare out the window and let the sound move through me. That is just the dancer in me…lost in the rythmn and it was in that moment, lost for a few seconds, that suddenly a flash of blue and red flew by my window. And there they were, the cardinal and the blue jay, stilled, as if time stopped or at least slowed, wings wide spread, chest to chest, a beautiful war, a beautiful dance…

And, so very reminiscent of the many shades and shapes of us, my love!

 

sequence of woman…

Could she be anymore feminine than now

holding a tiny mouth to her breast

I dare not disrupt beauty

heart sighs

love beating deeply

a mask I have seen

 I have worn 

contented 

pure joy

speaking silence

 a secret language

glance between

mother and child…

 

I am, still

woman and mother

of dust and energy

water and synchronicity

breath and blood

as stars above

and below the ground

mystery and wonder

cocooned art

love comes first

from within where life grows

and carriers born of that womb

repeat the same sequence…

 

woman to mother to woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

inner knowing…

you can leave the space of me

burn every memory of us

take back every word you ever spoke

every word you ever wrote

cut me from your flesh

bleed me from your veins

steal your breath from my lungs

untether your heart from mine

there is nothing new my soul has not experience

my mind may not remember every life

but I remain in this inner knowing

in the deepest of me

swarming in my innermost part

that I have loved you in this life

and every other…

your rare and mystical beauty

has never escaped me

*for you darling

 

chrysalis

What calls me
to take my mind away
I don’t recognize anything inside me anymore
this displacement of air
heaviness in my chest
I still breathe
yet weariness is my shade
black and blue
magenta
I,
no longer in the know of my body
twists and turns
lock me up
steal my former curves
maybe I am the pupa
dreaming of blooms in the wild field
freedom is blurred in this praire wind
the sun still finds me
golden tongue warms my skin
traces the skeleton of my wings
rememebering me
yet becoming me…
transforming breath
chrysalis

spread…

I was never anything

so murderous

until i slipped out of my clothes

gently fell each piece to the floor

bare and daring

I gave myself

over and again

again and again

whatever I was looking for

it never came

with pink lips and

breathless sighs

I was never anything

as murderous as me!

 

 

 

unapologetically…be you

Sometimes you just need to get out of your

head

bed

unleash dread

let go of what’s said

sometimes you just need to release the emotions you

hold

lightly or bold

new or old

enlighteningly told

sometimes you need to

step up

step towards

step back

step away

come stay

come around some other day

sometimes you just need to

ruminate

pollinate

illuminate

eradictate

and all the time you need to

be you

become new

be your soul’s purpose

unveil

be spiritual truth

be unapologetically you