the Red Cardinal and the Blue Jay…

they held time

bending air

if only a few seconds

hovering

the length of their wingspan

chest to chest

wide open and roaring

as if the twisting of flames

to lay claim their truth

an undeniable totem

so beautiful a rare moment…

 and suddenly there we were

you and I

suspended and stilled

secret and lies

truth and clarity

a spiritual silence 

 a warring awakening

…nothing and everything

I have really stepped away from writing for quite sometime now. It’s not an intentional thing, rather I just found myself distant from my writing self. Perhaps I created these heavy barriers!  My fears spoke a little while back, I was paralyzed for a few minutes in the space of a few minutes, and that fear ultimately pushed me into a silence I no longer care to fucking endure. Of course there are more reasons I care not to reveal but let me say it is/has been a rough path I wander. I know now why I have gone this way…I do so for growth, truth, clarity, because it is a necessary process, the kind where towers collaspe, the truth of the weak foundation exposed, the kind where I welcome the shedding of old skin, ridding the dust that has settled inbetween the cracks of all the previous years. Despite the overwhlming ache and pain, in the deepest part of my soul, this shedding comes regardless. All these dark layers, the wastelands that are uncovered, they are the fuel for a beautiful propulsion through an opening in the veil. I gratefully, achefully, painfully, knee-deep and drowing, wade through it all. I don’t want to go back to the other side, the side faded of the truth of me. So I let the vapor overtake and permeate, the ghosts care not to stay here in this atmosphere. This valley I look out into and walk through is for the greatest reason and that greatest reason is always for LOVE…a love beyond the limitations of our human mind. It starts within! A deeper, slow growing seed, watered for longer than a millennia, or more, and often again and again!

The poem is not necessarily speaking of the field I have been in. And yet is so true to form in my writing. Multiple layers weaved through simple words as the humaness of me and the spiritual inner knowing of me soaks into and colors the pages. I never see it until later afte r the writing is down on the page.

This morning during my walk I realized how much I miss the poetess in me. I feel more beautiful, as if she is the only truth to me, but I know I am she and she is me! I am many parts of a whole…some parts lay stilled, far away, seperated from me/she (That is a longer story!)

Anyway, this morning during my walk I knew I needed to bring back my breath, open my heart again, break free from self-imposed chains of expectations that have failed to come true. So after my walk, when sharing space with my granddaugter and one of my beautiful daughters, we sat quiet as the music played. I was relaxed and at peace, content for the gentle moment. I could feel the energy building, the words daring to writhe to the surface. A hunger…a knowing

Music is a muse that manifests poetry from a deep place in me. I always feel I am reminisceing of earlier lifetimes when writing. Often I stare out the window and let the sound move through me. That is just the dancer in me…lost in the rythmn and it was in that moment, lost for a few seconds, that suddenly a flash of blue and red flew by my window. And there they were, the cardinal and the blue jay, stilled, as if time stopped or at least slowed, wings wide spread, chest to chest, a beautiful war, a beautiful dance…

And, so very reminiscent of the many shades and shapes of us, my love!

 

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in the midst of resting…

There is something healing about stepping back, stepping away, looking in another direction, laying down the heavy baggage and resting. I suppose I am still in the midst of such a respite. It has been, and still is emotionally tumultous but I wouldn’t change a thing! I know it is for my greatest good. I recognize the synchronicities, feel the abundance welling within…I know it leads to everything good and just, and is divinely guided.

I’m not haunted. I’m no longer running from nor chasing ghosts. I’m setting them free! Yet, I will never forget the beauty of each shiver, every lick of the whip, every whisper of deeply held pain! I ask that it stays cleaved to me so that I might never forget, to remember, to understand what others go through, to give my experience and my pain a voice, and to say to those in similar territories…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!””I see you!”

How can I explain this journey? The path only illuminated by faith! The details unbelievable…unexplainable! To tell my truth, this unfathomable truth will come if only I never resist. The words will come when they are ready. I know my heart is healing, and it is a living, breathing, beautiful entity to carry within my chest. And my soul? Oh my ancient beautiful soul…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!” “I see you!”

 

a beautiful soul…

There is this soul
who is beautiful air
a gentle teacher
a willing student 
whom has shown 
love and kindness 
my soul is filling 
because of his pathway
his belief
his beauty 
his pain
his name…
air

I am grateful

🙏🏻Namaste 

My afternoon into evening…

Part 1

I knew before I arrived I would run into him. Funny that I should think that as I was getting ready to leave home for work… Such a silly thought considering    I almost never see him, yet today I felt I would. My intuition seems to be heightened lately… Not sure why but I sometimes its unexplainable. I walked into work and there he was sitting at the computer desk. (What woman wouldn’t notice him though; perhaps one that is no longer alive between her thighs 😳). My co worker smiled, said she and he were waiting for me to arrive. They wanted to asked how I did something. I giggled being that he is the IT guy…he just fixes complicated things though. I showed him and we laughed at the simplicity of it.  He almost had it figured out but was grateful I showed him the rest of the way.  As we walked down the hall we talked about how google and youtube were saving us time and frustration, changing the way we learn. I could feel him watching me. Like he was examining me in microbursts. Everytime I run into him I get the feeling he wants to say more…like a hesitation hanging. So young, so polite, so good looking! I am sure he is making some young beautiful girl very happy! 
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Part 2

He was a man in the age range of 85. Just out for a a quick stroll after his dinner. thought he swing on by, take a short cut through the reception area.  He asked if i liked Popeyes chicken. And proceeded to tell me that the new building had opened its doors today. He said they have cajun spices and if you didnt like cajun spice you’d  pobably not like their chicken. He said his favorite was going to chic fil a and that they were building a free standing restaurant on the otherside town. No longer will he have to go into the mall but will be able to enjoy the ease of drive-thru. He said you use to see a service station on every corner but now their seems to be a mexican restaurant on every corner. I told him that is because tacos are one of the best foods ever (love 🌮🌮🌮 tacos). He agreed with me and said that’s what was served for dinner in  the dining room tonight. The phone rang and he waved goodbye to me as I answered the phone. Even though the entire conversation was about food, there was such an easiness about us talking. Like we had done it a thousand times before! I love moments such as this one.  It is when you realize how some people just connect so easily. I smiled more tonight! And dammit if tacos aren’t on my brain now!!

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Part 3

it was time for me to go home and there she was. In the hallway in her wheelchair reaching  out her hand towards me.  I grabbed it and held her fragility in my hand. So soft was her skin I was afaid my hand would scratch her. She looked at me with beautiful baby blues, little red-rimmed and teary. My heart just warmed by her. I told her I was on my way home. She said she didn’t want me to leave. I didn’t want to leave her.  I wanted to sit there with her in the deafening silence just holding her hand.  As if both our hands understood how lonely both of us have been. In that precious moment she was mother, daughter, sister, woman, and friend to me. I could have stayed awhile to give her my love and quiet contemplation. I could have told her my secrets and know that she would understand. I wanted to stay and tell her about “him”! I wanted to hear about her love. The one she held so close to her heart. She will be returned to him sooner rather than later. I think she will be the most beautiful creature when that day arrives…

my quiet afternoon…

My afternoon was really a quiet affair. No rushing around, just a casual hour spent strolling through the store looking at the over abundance of products to buy! 

I didn’t really find much that I wanted to take home with me, other than the relaxed feeling I had. It was quite lovely to just look around in the quiet of the day. 

I found these little blocks with wonderful words. I didn’t buy any of them yet I enjoyed the voice in which they were speaking…

They made me smile…maybe you will smile too!

❤️M