deadly…

expectations;

rather you didn’t settle here

you only keep me far from abundance

my opened heart; understands

far beyond earthly limitations

deadly this mind;

3D prisoner

 

 

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til death steals…

cannot fathom such touch anymore
its meaning slit and deleted 
gone 
dissipated
desire
in the h0urs, days, months
lost track 
what is like anymore
in between the heat of thighs
moans and sighs loitering no longer
her youth stolen
her prime unwanted 
do they find pleasure in wasting her
no understanding of their inner working 
perhaps she has known all along
the poetry of being used
tossed aside
wasted 
unwanted
unloved
so offensive is she? deserving?
and yet she burns evermore
burn baby burn
Til death upon death 
steals this soul’s fire 

I have forgotten…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called breathing
what it’s like to lay
effortless
easy
unaware 
unaffected…

I have fogotten this thing
this thing called comfort 
what its like to be wrapped
safely tucked in
warm
weatherproofed
protected…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called forgetting
forgetting to forget
your color
your beauty
your reflection
sound of every word you’ve written…

I have forgotten this thing
this thing called L (cursor blinking)

no! I haven’t forgotten
*erases that line

I don’t know this thing
this thing called

…LOVE…

truth of a flawed heart…

The thing about this heart is
it’s NEVER NOT broken…flawed
it’s my fault for not being more careful
for believing what other hearts say
settling for less than what it deserves
hoping for warmth from those like winter
falling for lies desguised as truth
awaiting room in those with no vacancy
mapping empty space of a ghost ship
hearing music when it’s only white noise
catching thorns dressed as roses
believing you were reaching when really you were walking away…
the thing about this heart is
she still hopes
still loves
is still starving…

❣️

less beautifully lived…

The years are evident
the way they conformed to her spine 
the crows feet a reminder of the desert floor she’s been walking through
Her mouth now withered 
the smile faded
the glint in her eyes dying out
she is invisible
touching each one
her magic preformed in fast motion
as each one passes by 
with their gorgeousperfumed skin
taking air with them
stepping in time with fate
and her head bows once again 
at a life less beautifully lived
her aging hands bending 
beyond her control
a deep breath catches in her throat
 as she chokes on sorrow
her lip never ceasing to catch the ocean
spilling from her eyes

a killing kind…

every word dissolves
leaving an empty page
substance starved of clarity 
lacking and uninspired 
no forms 
no signature
to derive pleasure
wind is the result
of failing wings
and silence 
is an oxymoron
you are just 
one more murderer 
injected into my blood

rupture…

I can’t be here
not as this 
too many drops
per square inch
in this storm

I splatter 
falling to earth
left run off water
into the gutter

that’s where it takes me
everything I feel
in the dankest place
dark and dirty
sewer swallows my hope

I am ruptured
nothing to gather
except blood in hand
unfashionable to taste
dry this rusted color 
burden hued
heaviness in your hand
simply wash it away
scrub hard…

yet particles of me will only remain
as you shake dry your hand
wipe it across your chest
parts of me absorb into you
pretend I am nothing once again…

but for a breath of a moment 
I was more…

more than nothing
yet not enough 
to be more…
not enough to be
more than anything 
but ruptured metallic
bits

breath wasted…

kill me in the evers
this worthless heart
anymore
I am spent
upended
no longer care 
I am slit too much
just strips of rotting red…

am I
I am not fine
nor good
smiling hurts
my heart 
in love’s fuckery hell…

Foolish  (yes I am)
beautiful breath wasted
on for those
who could give a fuck

why the things of it…this

Its delirium 
anymore
reckless 
mistreating your own heart
why do you tolerate (whispers to self)
…so tired of being stolen 
only to be left abandoned 
why is it always
this…
my worthlessness
smeared on every page
why is it
so attractive 
to come
then watch me
shatter
bleed 
every fucking drop
of substance
what is wrong with me
why am I here…