til death steals…

cannot fathom such touch anymore
its meaning slit and deleted 
gone 
dissipated
desire
in the h0urs, days, months
lost track 
what is like anymore
in between the heat of thighs
moans and sighs loitering no longer
her youth stolen
her prime unwanted 
do they find pleasure in wasting her
no understanding of their inner working 
perhaps she has known all along
the poetry of being used
tossed aside
wasted 
unwanted
unloved
so offensive is she? deserving?
and yet she burns evermore
burn baby burn
Til death upon death 
steals this soul’s fire 

sweet death of a rose…


May death be sweet
like that of a dying rose
past her prime
when molecular structure is chaos
and her heart only knows
to fold and shut in

each petal breaks apart from stem
her last vein severed
though her fragrance lingers
her perfume long lay breathing

shall you watch her 
release her frame
this life inside her aching 
to sustain her worth
and to what moment 
does she finally herald
love, let go…
(don’t…not yet)

May her death be sweet
inhale her one last time
achingly embrace her
beautiful loss in goodbye 
yet do not not leave her 
unattended in her decay 
wondering the reason
of her bloom
 

felled from my lips…

there will be an end…
I’m uncertain with which means it is to happen

perhaps I’ll be 105
well beyond breathing expectation

I may still carry an ocean in my eyes but maybe they’ll reflect his sky

I won’t ever unknow him and my heart races surging with that truth

yet I may never ever truly know the movement of he…my heart already feels every ounce of that kind of empty

I probably won’t hear very well at that age as my ears are forever plugged into music…even now I write with live and intoxicating sounds flowing through me

I am fluid in uncertainty; the remains of hesitation line my lungs; these effects travel through time…I know I still feel this, what this is in the now; and so feel it then

squeezing every drop of he from me…I’m airless and deaf in the loud disclosure of quietness; even then when I’m 105 I will feel as now; alone…uncared for…exposed and unfurled, scented with don’t waste me

I dont know how to navigate this terrain, its foreign soil slipping through my fingers, and chokehold on my red dusted heart

tell me, should I turn to leave
jump from cliffs
slide into the crevasse
disappear into a dark lake bottom
never speak of you again

I can’t undo you
too late 
I am 105, carried in my last breaths I whisper of now, of you, your every obscured words puzzled, nuzzled in my pores 

I whisper of the ghosts in your writing…chanting your name

come here
show me, love 
let me practice the entirety of you
open to me
the sound of you…

falling until felled from my lips

Don’t search for me…I’m too lost in music

goodbye
He is where I want to travel
away from here
don’t search for me
you aren’t in the music I seek
and that which I seek
is an unwritten score
I surrender too often
but what a waste of my love
tell the gods 
let me let you go 
I Am Heart Deficiency 
why should I keep going 
painting a fucking masquerade 
at the point of hating
this beautiful heart of mine
forming me into a killer bitch 
when all I crave is a beautiful love 
I am too much for you
I am all LOVE

in this ever of hours…

will you kiss me
come midnight
love all my years
let all my trivialities
melt away from the
heat of your mouth

will you want my sex
come 1:00 a.m.  
taste rained earth
thirst & take more 
our blend forming
a perfect universe

will you read me passionately
come 3:00 a.m.
as it demands we meet often
under the stars and moolight
we never more than a few pages
away inside of our minds

will you wrap to my form
come 4:00 a.m.
contented with our rhythm and sound; the ease of breathing together 
to end & begin infinitely

will you wake me 
at 5:00 a.m.
to repeat our beckoning ache
once is never enough; 
nor is forever 

will you dream of me
come 6:00 a.m.
travel back a thousand years
to once again encounter me;
remember

or will you come
the ever of hours
release the tourniquet 
stay your distance
watch me bleed afar
until I am no more
your vision
no more your desire
if ever I was; am

and then you find yourself in War…too deep, too far amid

I don’t have words 
I feel fear of failing miserably 
looming; this energy of grand loss 
when each word I start to write catches 
on the jagged edge of my faded pages
I am many (jagged and faded)
insignificant words
after they fall (dead leaves)
to the ground
scattering to hidden corners
declaring war in my mind; in my heart
too deep, too far amid the atmosphere
nanotechnology embedded
Manipulating cerebral cortex
more fissures than normal
deeper sucilai 
I’m malfunctioning 
parts misused
misfire
misrepresented
left, too often, unattended
simulating some 
biological mutated form
agile communication lessening
update unavailable
no security key
defenseless in silence
they’re preforming 
these incessant cyborganic thoughts 
I push’em aside  
yet only to come back tenfold
ten times stronger 
my blades are dull
from hacking away
at the cleaving fiber optics of want
(or is it need)
this war wages 
surrounding my heart 
conduit of heat and humidity
perpetually walking
abandoned into winter
waiting
to be important enough
a wildfire to melt the concept of never
intuitively though 
I fear I am dismissible 
rather easily in
a complexly intelligent brain
it takes its toll
hurts like fucking hell…

in flight…no turning back; we breathe together into thin air

So often I write with music playing in my ear. Usually its the melody that draws words from me and they find their way up out from my depth… Yet this time the words came before music…from the thin fissure that is opening inside me, a promising light slipping through the crack. It feels as something reminescent of long ago, a timelessness coming clean.
An unfolding that speaks of forever. This that I feel, is not in my head…rather of something deeper.  And so I wrote this and then remembered a song; its melody appropriate for my poem and of course the words befitting. I heard this song (one below) a long while ago. I’ve even written other poems as it played in the background. This time it just speaks to me in a positive light…and it feels like I’m flying 😉

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feathered
I began to stretch
limbs groaned
releasing disease
of dormancy
dusting off stagnation
fingers smoothed
every stroke brushed back
ruffled roughness

outstretched and opened 
your breath lifts me
above love’s  grave
one glance
     ~he found me surrounded in midnight~
one dare
     ~just come know me~
one word whispered
      ~yes~

…and we took to flight

not of nothingness… something of a more

I wanted
to delete it
to not write of it
to sweep the 
dirty little scraps
underneath 
bury the layers
poor the concrete
paint pretty chalk drawings
to distract from the truth
but the truth
No one wants to know it
But it is here
in the air
walk through 
with your senses turned off
do as you must 
there’s something 
I hate to admit
something I’m
unable to grasp…


how is it 
I am still here
framed 
existing 
breathing warm air
laying down almost every 
fractured piece of me
and yet 
continously forgotten
awashed and abashed 
in nothingness

I am not a ghost
not of nothingness 
I am something
something of a more
entirely 
humanly
mortally 
fatally
feminine 
 
M