felled from my lips…

there will be an end…
I’m uncertain with which means it is to happen

perhaps I’ll be 105
well beyond breathing expectation

I may still carry an ocean in my eyes but maybe they’ll reflect his sky

I won’t ever unknow him and my heart races surging with that truth

yet I may never ever truly know the movement of he…my heart already feels every ounce of that kind of empty

I probably won’t hear very well at that age as my ears are forever plugged into music…even now I write with live and intoxicating sounds flowing through me

I am fluid in uncertainty; the remains of hesitation line my lungs; these effects travel through time…I know I still feel this, what this is in the now; and so feel it then

squeezing every drop of he from me…I’m airless and deaf in the loud disclosure of quietness; even then when I’m 105 I will feel as now; alone…uncared for…exposed and unfurled, scented with don’t waste me

I dont know how to navigate this terrain, its foreign soil slipping through my fingers, and chokehold on my red dusted heart

tell me, should I turn to leave
jump from cliffs
slide into the crevasse
disappear into a dark lake bottom
never speak of you again

I can’t undo you
too late 
I am 105, carried in my last breaths I whisper of now, of you, your every obscured words puzzled, nuzzled in my pores 

I whisper of the ghosts in your writing…chanting your name

come here
show me, love 
let me practice the entirety of you
open to me
the sound of you…

falling until felled from my lips

of implications darling…

I have not found an hour
in which thoughts 
have not drift 
to the sun of you
burning my mind
heart aglow and fiery
lighted over the seconds collected
raining us in heaven’s gold
forgiveness and salvation in length 
lovers stretch far across the night
reflected in midnighted moons
when did I realize that expanse of you
and this skin I’ve been wearing 
hiding the complexion of underneath 
salacious deep 
come shed me
to shed me of faded oceans
shed the old to reborn stars
understand this implication
of love existing
yet not in dreams 
rather persistent & real
let the measured 
dimensions of you
harbored in the place
before me
stay as is
beautiful framework 
of past lives left lived…
enter as otherworldly 
a bold unknown
do not deny I beg 
nor falter love

Don’t search for me…I’m too lost in music

He is where I want to travel
away from here
don’t search for me
you aren’t in the music I seek
and that which I seek
is an unwritten score
I surrender too often
but what a waste of my love
tell the gods 
let me let you go 
I Am Heart Deficiency 
why should I keep going 
painting a fucking masquerade 
at the point of hating
this beautiful heart of mine
forming me into a killer bitch 
when all I crave is a beautiful love 
I am too much for you
I am all LOVE

in this ever of hours…

will you kiss me
come midnight
love all my years
let all my trivialities
melt away from the
heat of your mouth

will you want my sex
come 1:00 a.m.  
taste rained earth
thirst & take more 
our blend forming
a perfect universe

will you read me passionately
come 3:00 a.m.
as it demands we meet often
under the stars and moolight
we never more than a few pages
away inside of our minds

will you wrap to my form
come 4:00 a.m.
contented with our rhythm and sound; the ease of breathing together 
to end & begin infinitely

will you wake me 
at 5:00 a.m.
to repeat our beckoning ache
once is never enough; 
nor is forever 

will you dream of me
come 6:00 a.m.
travel back a thousand years
to once again encounter me;

or will you come
the ever of hours
release the tourniquet 
stay your distance
watch me bleed afar
until I am no more
your vision
no more your desire
if ever I was; am

and then you find yourself in War…too deep, too far amid

I don’t have words 
I feel fear of failing miserably 
looming; this energy of grand loss 
when each word I start to write catches 
on the jagged edge of my faded pages
I am many (jagged and faded)
insignificant words
after they fall (dead leaves)
to the ground
scattering to hidden corners
declaring war in my mind; in my heart
too deep, too far amid the atmosphere
nanotechnology embedded
Manipulating cerebral cortex
more fissures than normal
deeper sucilai 
I’m malfunctioning 
parts misused
left, too often, unattended
simulating some 
biological mutated form
agile communication lessening
update unavailable
no security key
defenseless in silence
they’re preforming 
these incessant cyborganic thoughts 
I push’em aside  
yet only to come back tenfold
ten times stronger 
my blades are dull
from hacking away
at the cleaving fiber optics of want
(or is it need)
this war wages 
surrounding my heart 
conduit of heat and humidity
perpetually walking
abandoned into winter
to be important enough
a wildfire to melt the concept of never
intuitively though 
I fear I am dismissible 
rather easily in
a complexly intelligent brain
it takes its toll
hurts like fucking hell…

impossble to grow new skin…the shadows know

I kept scrubbing to strip
myself into new skin
hard as I tried to reclaim
the skin I’m dying for
I still woke up me…

A tired unwanted woman…
(inserting self-hatred things here…) 

I tried to baptized
my skin in the bath
to renew 
yet it remained 
as it has been 
the ruination of a once
wanted beauty
and slowly I slip
into the darkness
of shadows
where I search for my 
cold breathe
letting me know
I still breathe