the white glow of her screen…

life and death
an existing dissonance
a prop 
a joke 
in one’s own life 
reading unseen words
with a drugged effect
just a stupid woman trying to fit 
in arms built for smaller bodies
& sharper minds
where clearly she doesnt exist
at 12:47 am 
Or 2:29 am 
nor 3am
and all the hours inbetween
reject me too
I thought I knew differently
but fresh faces and cute laughter
get ahead in the game of love
I am too old for film
and will just end up on
the cutting room floor


    september again…

    The prarie winds are blowing again
    let me take to them
    and disappear into
    another moment
    one that is softer
    and gladden for my presence
    I am weary
    as September slips around my chest
    why does it haunt me
    drop me to my knees
    steal my breath
    and leave me breaking
    Will I ever find peace in aloneness
    will I only ever be lonely
    the winds leave me behind
    tracing the lines of age on my skin
    like fineline fractures of old procelain
    I need a miracle I hear my heart whisper
    as I watch possiblity get swept away


    I need not to think

     but just rest in knowing this moment

     for the past is no longer

    and the future yet to be

    I do not need to think

    I may rest in this knowing of now

    because to think is to develop expectation

    and expectation is to focus on the non exisiting

    ( both past and future)

    and to live in the past or the future

    is not opening

    is not flowering

    is not spreading seeds

    nor perfume

    in the present moment

    and to not be in the moment of now

    is limiting

    is suppression

    is not breathing pure existence

    but rather weighted in illusion

    I need not to think

    but to only be



    I am already inward
    everything I am to know
    I have birthed
    I am breathing
    to go outward 
    is to step into illusion
    is to block fluidity
    is to deny my soul’s experience
    my soul’s existence
    is to be potentiality
    the center point of experience


    this gentle stillness
    this knowing
    this love
    I am; experience


    Beyond illusion…

    You dispel me
    the ego me
    you lovingly 
    walked me 
    into myself
    dare me to look within myself
    to expose every lie
    my ego so effortlessly tells me
    I am grateful
    of divine presence
    a higher self
    that knows the ways 
    of me
    the waves of me
    the designs of me
    you let me slip under the surface
    and often I am temporarily caught
    in the illusion of drowning
    but I never drown
    …I only transform
    slowly undressing
    my mind
    to lay bare
    and unafraid
    the divine feminine
    I am…