I’m in time out
I found certain pieces
of me were not needed today
although my morning
was quite beautiful 
my evening digressed 
stepped back
far removed
crawled away from the sun
into darker space
its quieter here
except for what’s playing in my head
the remains of me 
not to be seen nor heard
depleted energy
I gave away my love today
I guess it shredded the beautiful veil
perhaps my love is too sharp 
and a heavy blade
its validity 
its genuine nature 

I’m in time out…

please stop, I say to me, stop harming yourself…(sort of a self pep talk)

I am starting to change
yet here I sit
doing the same things as before
It’s not comfortable
but it is familiar
these same choices
even though made reluctantly
they keep me from stretching myself
from growing
from living
from potentially putting
myself in harms way
yet, if I keep swimming
in this familiar pool
all I will end up doing
in the coming
is drown here in the same shallows 
in the same way as always before 
and that somehow is more frightening than stepping into the ocean 
of the unknown
do I really want to wake up
20 years from now
as this ode to beauty’s death?
so I won’t beat myself up
tonight or tomorrow
I am through harming my own soul
I’m aware now of what
beauty you breathed into me 
No longer am I a sleeper
I’ll take that next step…
Perhaps you’ll be there


I should have lived more
taken up his offer 
that mile high club
or that look across the room
that one silent invitation 
I wanted to
I should have
I should have worn that collar longer
drove to a different state for a long weekend quite some years ago
I should have danced longer
arched more
screamed for more…and more
I should go for six weeks abroad 
meet such a passionate lover
I should’ve gotten my passport…
I should risk more
I should live more
learn a new language 
get that tattoo anyway
drink more wine
wear my perfume
even if i am home in my pjs
I should live more 
I should risk more 
I will…

I should have gotten my passport

Vividly M

rip open my chest

lay enigmatic 

surround my soul 

bring its breath back to life

oxygen to my wound

my heart’s portion

too long distant from

love’s lightening 

encounter me

at dusk

in dawn

color us spinel 

midnighted; gloriously vivid

heated & softly feathered

lay me by your lips

this truth of us 

enameled & eternal

I am healing 

fire under you