woven for wilderness

I think the

Angels knew

the stories of my heart

before I was born

knowing I would

soar among the stars

& sink into the heartache

of reckless flames

that I would

combat pain & darkness

and endure an

aching loss of love & light 

crumpled in brokenness & shame

so when knitting my heart

they knew to make me strong 

despite my feeling of being only weak

they spun gold & silver thread

interlaced with Kevlar & elastic

and sealed the lining 

 with holy water

so I could
stretch & swell within

the ocean of my love

hold close the tender sentiment

when dark waves threatened

to wash shores away

to remain standing

while enemies try to 

seize my fortress walls

using poison arrows & silver bullets 

to withstand years of drought 

& still bloom a desert rose

despite being abandoned

without love’s rain

they know my design

sketching the eternal pattern of 

my celestial flight

my earthen plight

and wove me deep & strong

to withstand the miles & miles

of wilderness

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without…

I am never more

the same

he stays embedded

inside my fortress 

melded to my soul

even his whisper

remains locked

inside my chest

I clutch at 

tattered remnants

of his shroud

trying to sew 

together pieces

of me 

he cut out from

his once-lined heart 

we drown in

poetic longing

misery 

suffocates our

desire

my willful muse

keeps holding 

him hostage

in hidden chambers

and dark passageways 

I am ruined 

never to unlearn

this feeling of 

brokenness

never

to turn back

the hours

I am 

never more

the same as when 

he first entered me

water to my thirst

fire to my rise

he 

my ancient ruins

my future galaxies

I am

without 

mutation…

Why is it 

that I crumble so easily

falter at the stunning

view of another

i take their gorgeousness

forge a knife out of their words 

drive it into my veins

I cut

my soul bleeds

yet it’s only ugliness

I see spill from me

such a horror show

to compare

yet I do

without reason

an automatic response

why must I be this way

why do I view myself this way

like I’m some kind  

addict for self-torture

brutalizing myself

beating down my esteem

with blow after blow

of a self-deprecating hammer

the hateful things

my mind injects into my

inner most being

darkly I fall
and I seem to

only watch my 

my movements drive

me into this place 

of worthlessness

I see my skin morp

into this entity

of undesirable matter…

I am

flawed beyond reason

never ending mistake 

just self inflicted 

act of mutilation 

place of forgotten…

I think I fell 

somewhere along the way

into a place of forgotten

like a neglected 

motel room

20 years past needing remodeled

where the sweat of desperation

stench of stale cigarettes

smelling of cheap booze and 

dollar store perfume

had long ago soaked into the walls

floors decorated with stiff carpet 

smelling of old food stucked to styrofoam

from a greasy-spoon diner

and well-worn lumpy mattresses

covered in stained bed linens

holds layer upon layer

of dirty regret & shameful tears

you can hear the constant drip 

of tapwater from the bathroom faucet 

reminiscent of a record player needle

stuck in the same groove

playing repetitive notes of some 

one hit wonder

again and again

alone side the constant blare

of muffled voices & sounds

coming from tvs in next-door rooms

talk of live action news at 5

click

gunfire, horse nays, and earth

pounding hooves 

of 1960’s spaghetti westerns

click

breathless moans 

and fake screams of pleasure

of low budget porn

click

nothing but static/white noise

reveals thin insulation

and poor construction 

of a long rectangled building

it is sad to be stuck

in a place such as that 

without fresh encouragement 

nor crisp newness

lacking vision and hope for renewal

broken pieces left

 to continue to break down 

in a neglected state

I think I fell somewhere

along a ghost highway 

on a back road

stuck in a motel

of regret and neglect 

lying forgotten in a dim lighted 

water-stained windowed

dingy curtained room…

somewhere…

he is water

on my fingers

slipping through
I can not hold him

he is matter

the gods dangled

in my hand

yet found I 

am not worthy

not made of his time

or circumstance

he falls away

I glance to the ground

desperately 

trying to gather each 

droplet 

touching molecules

coveting every one of his atoms

but he evaporates

as quickly as I touch

the end of my

finger tips

to my lips

searching for 

the taste of his salt

I remember him

that way

when I fell

into his 

moon’s ocean

my body 

slipped so easily

into warmth

as if I belonged

wrapped inside

his soul

but was ripped away

by the undercurrents

my hand reaching out

screaming his name

as he disappeared 

back to his time

leaving me 

soaked in salt skin

and I lie 

here waiting

for the moment

of somewhere

when he comes back 

to me

hardly worth anymore…

she is fearful anymore

this murderous place

invades her soul

holding her

in an

unrivaled darkness

deserted

left in the cold

light plucked from her eyes

heart impaled 

by poison arrows

insignificant & colorless 

hardly rare or intriguing

a dying matter

substance of a thousand 

plaintive words

unoticed

behind blocked walls

fallen into

black silence

blanketed

in nothingness

@writingofM #SenseWrds

beautiful dying light…

As if she is nothing

love escapes her

how does

she not think

she’s faulted

there is no recovery

when the trajectory 

of a soul tied love

ends in abandonment

nothingness 

falls heavily 

crushing her chest

formed of rib bone and earth

her body falls dead

without her heart

blood spills

from the hollowed wound

she lies exposed

unprotected from

the elements 

her soul is a 

beautiful dying light

soon

only her darkness

will remain

waters of he…

He is 

more beautiful

now

from the rains of heaven

quelling the banks

of his dark river

his most pure 

pours out

like a waterfall

smoothing

the jaggedness

of rocks

the ink spray 

water marking paper 

and parched hearts

I have only

grown more

in awe of him

my feet dangle 

inside his water

soaking my skin

my fingers tangled

in the thickness 

of reeds as I touch

his softness

his real name slips

from my mouth 

caught and released 

in one breath

in my cupped hand

I gather him

bring him back

to my lips to drink 

letting his cool fountain

descend upon my desert

my heart is swollen

carrying the

weight of his water

my soul stays rooted

astride the edge of his world

planted in the earth of him

sitting by the waters of he

captivated by his flow

reaching out to him

thirsting for more…

does he feel me wandering near

wading

Colliding…thin air…

gathering courage

life and love waiting

Not very far from heaven

reaching for white light

searching for the steady stream

opening wings 

spinning 

spiraling

ascending

flying past clouds 

lighting the sky

to call out to you

find me there

reach for me

to touch you

to bring you closer

from where we are

just a whisper away…

our lungs made for thin air

not much further

to get it right

collide into me

to become 

once again 

One light

to write

eternity