I have been in a transitional period for quite sometime. I am uncertain when it first began-perhaps I have always been in this state-I suppose something within me has been blocking forward movement for a very long time, I believe for many years. How easy we set limitations in our lives, all the while blind to their existence. Regardless, I am awakened, moving in some type of direction (I feel it is forward movement on the correct path) but definitely not backwards! The majority of my life transition (meaning my internal growth, renewed strength, and awakened vitality) has been in the last 3 years, which happens to coincide with my start of writing. I wasn’t someone who wrote my entire life and I don’t have years and years of journals, nor pages and pages of poetry. Simply, I started writing a couple years back and found an emotional surge of passion flowing through me.
The thing about finding yourself in the middle of transformation (in midlife-the typical midlife crisis…lol) there is usually a catalyst to change. And, if I were to write exactly what has triggered my awakening, I’m afraid it would take a book (hahaha). I cannot pinpoint any one particular event that hurled me into this creative place-many factors have come into play-call me a slow starter/learner, late bloomer, or maybe I just possess a mind needing not just one event, but a whole series of events to kick my ass into gear. Whatever it was, it has been a devastatingly emotional journey to get to this point.
I cannot explain in any formation or construct of words what I have been through mentally, emotionally and physically since I started writing! I have drowned, been garroted, heart ripped from my chest, my breath taken away, bound my wrists, bruised my palms, bled from my soul. I’ve been bit, suffocated, and impaled, kissed pale lips, tasted fire, touched earth, flew through a thousand galaxies, cried oceans of tears and died again and again in raging storms of emotions…I have lived and died, and been rebirth a thousand times a thousand more. And every tumultuous moment, every second of self inflicting pain, every stunning word, every glorious breath, every dive into the depths of despair, and every lift into the heavens has been worth it! Worth it to get me to where I find myself at, in this very beautiful moment!
I am so excited about this new creative project I am developing. It came at me with the speed and strength of a lightening bolt. How can anyone deny that creative awakening? I am just in the very beginning stages of development. I am definitely breathing a little heavier due to the enormity of it and so uncertain how to complete this project! Quite frankly, I am a little petrified because I have never desired so strongly to take something on like this before. Right now I am immersing myself in learning and absorbing whatever scraps that can be wedged inside my being. It is nerve-wracking, and as I type this publicly putting it out there, I am worried I won’t realize this project. Fear I will once again fail at something. Scared that I will remain as I have been for so many years. So I could fail! But what is amazing? I am taking a leap!!!