Category: #gratitude
Coming up for Air…
The best part of Valentine’s Day was FaceTiming with one of my 5 granddaughters. How beautiful the technology allowing me to experience such a precious moment. She shared with me her Valentine’s Day gifts she received. She modeled her new Bluey dress, adding a little spin, the skirt displayed in a beautiful twirl. She shared her makeup palette naming purple and pink her favorite colors, and she placed her little iPad in her bike basket so I could ride her bike with her. Within her presence, for those few special minutes, my starving heart remembered love.
Earlier this afternoon driving home, my car window was down, music filled the space and a taste of spring air blew through my hair. I was halfway home when the words “Thank you for such a glorious day” so effortlessly played through my mind. In that instance an uncontrollable smile lightened my mood as the warmth of the sun touched my skin and my hair wildly danced with the wind. That such a simple task I do almost everyday of the week could bring profound joy in the moment.
I felt beautiful and free, graced with love this afternoon. It was like coming up for air.
Poetry of M 2024
in the morning my waterfall falls…
how is that on my day off
I wake up and not want to write
is it apathy, indifference
maybe just uninspired
my muse sleeping
my love tucked away
my passion idle
I feel the neglect in my gut
as if I could abandon my pen
crawl back into old skin
put on that old facade of
Kansas plain
lackluster pallor
winter pale
even christmas
seems determined dull
my mind was bended yesterday
full of contemplation
my body too
desire aching
evidence of scented sensuality
and an obedience satisfied
pleasing to someone
to me
the sun is coloring me
changing the dark shadowed walls
of my grey room
warming up hope
for today
I know I will love
do love
it spreads across these pages
these little
scripted confessions
and poetry
of times & places
of people & secrets
I love my vulnerability
it feels like
I could type out the remains
of all my shards
my mosaic
ever progressing
I don’t want to finish it in this life
Let me come back again
again & again
again a thousand times
carrying midnight & dawn
so he finds me
intimate in his solitude
whispered in his darkness
lovely in the newness
of every spectrum of light
…and as I begin to flow
let loose my waterfall
my layers are opening
and how my voice
my words
my pen
are found again
never can they
lay empty
long
once upon a sleeper…
you opened my cocooned pod
I felt the ice melting
from my cryogenic sleep
raising my beats
from shunned to shine
I began to upcycle wasted tears
eyelashes coated with stardust
I braved the idea of possibilites
conquered a black diamond run
one turn at time
I was felled darling
with black dove wings
trying to reach peace
atop your sky…
I don’t know now
where you are…
a beautiful soul…
There is this soul
who is beautiful air
a gentle teacher
a willing student
whom has shown
love and kindness
my soul is filling
because of his pathway
his belief
his beauty
his pain
his name…
air
I am grateful
🙏🏻Namaste
of random thoughts…
I know we get caught up in the the tangle of what we don’t have, feeling as if something is missing, so much so we can’t even begin to see what’s truly beautiful around us.
We forget to look and be grateful, hardly able to remember the definition of positivity. Forgetting that what we think we perceive, what we precive comes to be.
I am so guilty of this inclination to self loathe, to be drowning in negative thoughts, which leads to negative circumstance. Yet I don’t remain there.
I am a constant student of self, learning to cope with theses thoughts that have plagued me from when I can first remember…around age five.
Thank goodness I have a few people full of optimism and love and support in my immediate world. And yes, often I feel very much alone and unloved. Although I have such love for them. Without them I may have drowned a thousand times.
I know my wordpress has such dark self hating matter but please know if it is written on a page, it is released, exposed, it is no longer hiding in the deep recess of my being. For me it is healing to uncover the dark.
This blog is my medium for that healing ritual. It is the way of me and I am ever evolving, ever breathing, some moments beautiful and elegant, and other moments slipping deep into the darkest of ache.
Remember though, I am…far more full of love, Am loved, am surrounded by love and I am love itself…
stay or leave…read or don’t…Be a part of my life or not…yet I will have loved you regardless.
I have had lived through some very dark and rough circumstances and I am still here standing, full of love for humanity, even in our depravity we are worthy of love, have the ability to love, are love!
Remember this darlings
❤️️M
Yesterday’s afternoon…
what a wonderful soul
to say openly of his struggle
to speak of his comeback
fire took his belongings
try to turn his spirit to dead ash
yet he in his depressed stillness
found a quiet strength
and is on the rise once more
what a lovely man
the gentle vulnerability
I find in his manner
refreshing ease
evident in our conversation
as we spoke briefly of life
and its tough delivery
*This man will never know how I see him. He will never know I write of him today. And if I should see him again I will smile for rare is such raw and exposing honesty. My heart appreciates these kind of moments and people such as he.
my morning…
I had a beautifully wonderful morning walk… this was what I captured along the way☀️
a waterfall of words…and words spread amongst my ground and grow
Pay attention
pay attention screams
my intuition
soil dry
my soul
long have I
neglected tilling
too busy trying
to grow from stone
failing on the outskirt
I have forgotten
the seeds within
growing things will crack open
spring forth life
from within
uprooting earth
layering the ground
not without water,
not without light
having never doubt
it’s grand design
flower and bloom
feed & cover the world
I neglected my soil
my soul I am unforgivable
forgetting to love you
left forgotten
untilled
you have only been alone
toiling in the dark
this mind has blocked your sun
and the water of tears only
falls to my pillow
no more are you
in the shadows
darkened by neglect
dead in weeds
they can’t feed you
but I can
sweet water can ammend
adjust postion
transition
into garden
bee to kiss bloom
to feed
circle our our world
and others
my yesterday morning; little acts of human kindess…alive & beautiful breathing things!
She is a lovely boisterous joy of sunshine! Always walking her poodle and always a little out breath! She is a restless creature and her laughter infectious! You can’t help but smile and giggle with her when she comes around. I had one such occasion yesterday morning when I walked around my desk to see her opening the foyer door. Her face lit up with a bright smile and I couldn’t help but smile, when she said, “Oh Melissa, good morning!” I asked how she was doing and as always she answered, “I am wonderful!” Yes, she is! She loves the morning hours because it is cooler, and loves to walk around the fish pond! Now as we were talking, her sweet poodle decide to use the concrete sidewalk to lay its business rather than the grass. And kept laying its business again and again. (Apparently the dog had a really good meal the night before) On the same sidewalk other visitors use to enter the building.
She apologized, said the she and dog had t-bone steak last night and perhaps it was a little too rich for her dog. She informed me not worry, that she would clean it up and began to clean up the mess. Very quickly I realized that amout of cleaning up was not going to be done with just tissue! Lol…
I went inside and grabbed paper towels and started filling a pitcher full of water… As I was walking back towards the door, she called to me and started asking me if she could have paper towels as she was asking for paper towels, I was holding out my hand full of paper towels! She couldnt believe it…”How did you know?” She asked! I just giggled and said I had a feeling it was going to require water and paper towels to clean it up! “Oh thank you so much Melissa!” She kept thanking me. I was glad to help her but also because I knew I couldn’t leave that kind of mess on the sidewalk that vistors use!
So there I was pouring water on the spots that remained and she wiping the sidewalk. We could help but laugh at the situation. It took pitcher after pitcher of water but eventually it was clean enough! I gave her a trash bag for the used paper towels! Oh my what a mess! Yet in the end, it didnt matter the mess. It was one person helping another. And two people helping and receiving help, with a smile and a giggle!
She appreciated the help. Told me to come see her later she wanted to give me something. I told her it was just part of my job. She laughed and said, No! Your job is not to pick up my dog’s poop!” I told her it was a jointed effort that benefited both of us…And with that we went back to our day.
A few hours later with that same smile but now with magenta color lipstick , she walked into the reception area, handed me a bouquet of flowers and pumpkin macadamia nut cookies. I was astounded! How long has it been since I’ve been given flowers or anything for that matter? I am so grateful for her precious laugh and smile, and her gift of beautiful flowers…little acts of human kindess are alive and beautiful breathing things!
Poetry of M 