rough…

 

lines feathered and muted

rough art inside me anymore

uncertainty blankets my heart

I don’t really fucking care anymore (I try to convince myself)

running sounds sane

yet I won’t escape

I’ve tried to exhale

waiting to be delivered from

every thought and feeling…

yes

no

I feel

I don’t

I don’t fucking care (silence is convincing me)

leave

love

lie

wtf ever

 

 

 

 

 

in the midst of resting…

There is something healing about stepping back, stepping away, looking in another direction, laying down the heavy baggage and resting. I suppose I am still in the midst of such a respite. It has been, and still is emotionally tumultous but I wouldn’t change a thing! I know it is for my greatest good. I recognize the synchronicities, feel the abundance welling within…I know it leads to everything good and just, and is divinely guided.

I’m not haunted. I’m no longer running from nor chasing ghosts. I’m setting them free! Yet, I will never forget the beauty of each shiver, every lick of the whip, every whisper of deeply held pain! I ask that it stays cleaved to me so that I might never forget, to remember, to understand what others go through, to give my experience and my pain a voice, and to say to those in similar territories…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!””I see you!”

How can I explain this journey? The path only illuminated by faith! The details unbelievable…unexplainable! To tell my truth, this unfathomable truth will come if only I never resist. The words will come when they are ready. I know my heart is healing, and it is a living, breathing, beautiful entity to carry within my chest. And my soul? Oh my ancient beautiful soul…”I know!” “I understand!” “I feel you!” “I see you!”

 

spread…

I was never anything

so murderous

until i slipped out of my clothes

gently fell each piece to the floor

bare and daring

I gave myself

over and again

again and again

whatever I was looking for

it never came

with pink lips and

breathless sighs

I was never anything

as murderous as me!

 

 

 

unapologetically…be you

Sometimes you just need to get out of your

head

bed

unleash dread

let go of what’s said

sometimes you just need to release the emotions you

hold

lightly or bold

new or old

enlighteningly told

sometimes you need to

step up

step towards

step back

step away

come stay

come around some other day

sometimes you just need to

ruminate

pollinate

illuminate

eradictate

and all the time you need to

be you

become new

be your soul’s purpose

unveil

be spiritual truth

be unapologetically you

once upon a sleeper…

you opened my cocooned pod
I felt the ice melting
from my cryogenic sleep
raising my beats
from shunned to shine
I began to upcycle wasted tears
eyelashes coated with stardust 
I braved the idea of possibilites
conquered a black diamond run
one turn at time
I was felled darling
with black dove wings
trying to reach peace
atop your sky…

I don’t know now 
where you are…

12:12 a.m. confession…

There was man who wrote erotic tweets. He was quite beautiful in words and he dm’d me a few times. We had exchanged poetry and conversations. The he disappeared for quite awhile. Until his alter twitter, which wrote beautifully erotic things too, had found my alter twitter. We had no idea who the other was until he dm’d me in the alter versions of ourselves. Of course he use very much the same type of M O. I giggled, letting him know I knew exactly who he was…I made him guess who I was in a quite amusing way by dropping hints. Laughingly sad he had not an f-ing clue who I was. I eventually told him. He only dm’d one or two more times after that, which I was totally ok that he didn’t hang around. Some people have no staying power nor loyalty. So tonight I am sitting here thinking about the last couple of years and thinking of my social media writing experiences, why this instance popped into my mind… I have no idea! Yet now, I am thinking what are the chances of that happening? Twice in the different versions of myself he came along. Apparently he didn’t find it such an extaordinary thing… 

waterfall post…I think my heart hurts my head; or is it reverse 

I have it in me to tell you
all the things of why I am inferior 
its easy…as if breathing 
a biological function 
this breed of mediocre 
the type living right at the edge of 
she’s not enough to fight for 
it is why you will leave
they all leave
I fade from them easily 
their eyes of heart closing
yet vivid in mine they 
remain here
my hive 
my hexagon 
weaving of my womb
honeycombed
I am many shades of amber
cultivated by the romance languages
yet have landed in this life 
in this…this prairie 
the prairie has killed
mountains and sea
the ones born of me
paint plain my forest glen
left emptied a lesser
nest of moss to rest 
I am ancient roots of 
fallen stars grounded 
cursed a millennium or more  
my light less potential 
a light less than beautiful enough
to tether you to the branches of me
I have many reasons to tell you the
whys of why I am inferior
dont know any other way to describe me
you already observant of my unappeal
You’ll fade me from you
and stay the sky
before we even meet
seep from trees
lack salt the seas
light capturing the dark
dark ingesting light
am I the less; you 
the timeless 
in anymore